beenwaitinginvain

so how?

2009-04-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

1 year here in my company...

i never really expected that i will be able to work here that long...

i learned to be more mature. my officemate were of different nationalities, different languages, different age(i got no batchmate here and all are older than me) and different educational attainment(phd, masters and of course a degree).

i learned to be more independent. despite the fact that i have been living away from my family when i was in cebu, being in a different country is far more different. i even manage to go to the airport alone and travel to sg for the first time.

i learned how it is to go through interviews and exams once again. my previous company in cebu was the first one where i had an interview during college. that time i was not really taking it very seriously like i'd prepare a lot of things just to pass it. but my experience here is very stressful. waiting for calls from agents and companies, desperately learning everything just to pass the interview and get a job. that time, i was desperately trying to get a job. i am my family's source of income and i cannot stand not having a steady income.

i learned to be strong and sacrifice. as in real sacrifice.

i learned more of shell scripting. i was working in unix/linux environment mostly when i am in cebu, but i never touched it. i merely code and use the existing makefile whatsoever. i still prefer gui, but trust me, once you know scripting, you'll love it.

i learned that i love to be surrounded by friends, but i can be alone if i don't have them. i thought going here in sg would be fun coz most of the aprilfools are here, but then i realized all are having their own lives. i am lucky that we got internet and i was able to connect to two aprilfools whom i can easily bug when i need someone to talk to. i appreciate the cheap international call to philippines as well as i can talk to my friends and my family often.

i learned to be mature most specially. or maybe it goes with age =p but i was happy that i was able to prioritize my unnecessary wants to a more significant wants. sg has a lot of gadgets and sale. given the money, anything is almost accessible here. but of course, despite the fact that i wanted a mac or the very thin vaio or an slr so much, i learned to control and focused on something more important which is my family.

i learned to bake here. and it's something that i really enjoy. it's a therapy really. any food here is readily available. but of course the taste differs. that's why i was really happy that i can now afford even the cheap oven and some cheap baking stuffs.

i learned that i love thai. its sweet and spicy. i love sweet foods. ilonggo adobo is the best for me. thai, japanese, indonesian, indian foods are available in sg for a cheap price. even cheaper than mcdo and kfc. the variety of food is heaven for me as i love to try anything. so now everyone knows why i gained lots of pounds =p

i learned to eat spicy food or eat with chili party. it's like a soy sauce with lots of sliced chilies. i like eating fish soup with it, and i love my chicken rice with dark soy sauce mixed with a little chili.

i learned that i can never go tired of eating chicken. i had 4 days of kfc for dinner once. i love to cook lechon manok at home.

i learned to love coffee. the strong one with milk.

i learned that even if i do not show it, i love my family so much. despite the difficulties, i still cannot stand my siblings. even if what i am doing was wrong tolerating them, i still cannot leave them behind and not help them. first time i felt homesick. a few days before and after my birthday i cried for consecutive nights because i miss them. i cried really hard when i got a card from nanay and read their message to me. birthday is a big deal for me. i wanted to make everyone feel happy on their birthdays which is why i was trying to give surprises or buy them cakes or greet at midnight because i thought it's nice to feel loved. i wanted the same way on my birthday. but i also learned i can let it go if i dont get treated the same way i do.

i am thankful that i went here. i was able to go to uk because of my job.
i am thankful that soi and i are not in long distance relationship. we see each other everyday.
i am thankful that i get along well with soi's brother.
and i am really thankful that i was able to help my family. one thing that i am really happy of is i was able to give my parents a general check up and we can now sustain their medicines.

life here was not easy. sometimes i feel homesick and depress. i don't know if it's just because of the circumstances or it is really the place that i feel depress. i never felt depress in cebu. now i can understand why a lot of people here commit suicide. sometimes it is just so boring.

despite the fact that i earn more here, it's the first time i felt so poor. i spent so much on my trip home last december.

soi even tolerated me. i spent most of my salary preparing for gifts. soi spent all his money to buy gifts for my family as well and even gave me money to spend home. come Christmas, then new year, then my birthday and i dont have enough money. it was heartbreaking withdrawing some of my savings just to buy some things for the new year and for my birthday. i canceled my planned kiddie party for my birthday and and opted for a simpler dinner.

my experience here was really life changing. it made me close to my family, to our youngest sister, to soi and to his brother. i learned to dream bigger. it was not easy living here. financially it was actually more difficult. it's just that we never forget to enjoy thru good food or good movie or some gadget buys. the whole year soi and i was like huffing. hurrying the days that our financial obligations will be over but i guess it does not end that soon.

expenses here in sg are quite high. the rent itself is a major deductions to our payroll. we sometimes slip from the budget with some impulsive buys but i guess that made our stay here sane. if not, we would probably be overstressed by the expenses back home and expenses here in sg.

my security on staying here in sg is still not sure. i still got the job, but my stay here still depends on their government of course. i tried my very best to get that security but i was not granted the favor. i just hope i can stay here longer.

this place might not like be cebu where i felt at home, but for now i dont want to leave either.

Please help :)

2009-03-31T17:48:00.000+08:00

I am reposting my friend's request regarding this:

---
Need your help on my Survey on Social Network Systems

Hello Everyone.

As part of our research on Multi-agent Based Intelligent Social Networks, we are conducting a survey on Social Networking Systems and Technology.

The goal of this survey is to get information on your experience, preference and opinion on current social networks. We also want to know your knowledge on social network technology.
**No personal information is collected in the survey except for Age, Occupation and Location.
The rest is about Social Networks like facebook,etc.. **

The survey takes about 2 to 4 minutes to answer.

Here is the link to the survey:
http://gii.nagaokaut.ac.jp/~noel/survey/Survey.php

Please feel free to forward this survey invitation to those who might be interested.

Thank you very much for your support.

---

yey naa ko date ;)

2009-02-06T17:56:00.002+08:00

=D

feb 14, vday date ;)

my officemate kindly offered me the free zoo pass provided by our company. she booked it for the vday weekend, but will be using it on sunday. she asked me if i like, i can use it on sat. i hope i understand her well :D sometimes she can be confusing =p

we're homebuddy =p so yeah, we haven't been to the zoo until now. who would want to pay 18sgd * 3(me, soi and ramen) + food + fare and get tired :p joking :D i have it on my list, but not on top priority. cable car is still my top priority, and since we done it already, we can plan on other things as well =p. but Lo Hei maybe really good luck, coz I got a free pass, without going thru the hassle of emailing our HR to book the pass, etc.

So there, booked for vday :)
and surprise surprise! soi said we are really going to have a date =p aside from the zoo ;)
(he rarely decides on one, so cherish the moment =p)

things have been bad this week. PMS, some bad news, etc. it's good to look forward on simple and small but great things once in a while. :)

hasty decisions...

2009-02-05T15:13:00.000+08:00

it needs luck to have a good outcome..now, back to planning..

super late

2009-01-21T18:24:00.000+08:00

we were all very tired last night from the very long walk around chinatown(will create a different post for this) that i woke up very late this morning. adding insult to the injury is i don't have pants for use so i have to iron one after taking a bath. i thought i can afford leaving the haus around 845 and take the train but i was wrong. it was already 9am when we left the haus. we were waiting for taxi for almost 15minutes, so soi told me to just call for one. the operator told me to wait for 5 minutes, and around 2 minutes after making the call, i received a call which i assumed is the driver. i was right. it was the driver confirming where i am waiting.

the taxi arrived minutes later. he is an old chinese, with white hair. he said his name is albert c*a*. i can remember it well i guess because it is similar to my tatay's boss family name ehehe. upon sitting, he greeted me with "magandang umaga". I just smiled and greeted a good morning back at him. he started chatting and i felt comfortable talking to him. he said he learned tagalog from a pinay maid of his sister. from then i forgot that it is almost 930 and i am still not in the office hehe

then he asked me if i knew matt monroe. together with my "yes" as an answer to his question i remembered my father. he asked me if i am familiar with "Born Free" by Matt Monroe. I said yes and he said, "let me sing you a song". A romantic love song as what he called it. Without hesitation, and without my permission, he turned on his cd to play Matt Monroe's music. Not that I would disagree of course. I wouldn't mind listening to him anyway. As he sing this song:

Portrait of my love

There could never be a portrait of my love
For nobody could paint a dream
You will never see a portrait of my love
For miracles are never seen.

Anyone who sees her, soon forgets the Mona Lisa

It would take I know, a Michaelangelo
And he would need the glow of dawn that paints the sky above
To try and paint a portrait of my love

It would take I know, a Michaelangelo
And he would need the glow of dawn that paints the sky above,
To try and paint a portrait of my love

I was smiling because he really reminded me of my father. tatay would always ask me to buy him a cd of Matt Monroe or songs similar to his. when he had a player that has a mic input, he asked me to buy him a vcd of Matt Monroe and on special days or just on normal days, he would play those cds and sing with it.

Uncle has a good voice. He sings really well actually. After the song, he told me he was featured on several newspapers and on several TV shows. He even mentioned that there is one coming from National Geographic but they still don't know the date yet. As we are approaching the last block to the office, we were caught in a jam, so he told me he wanted to sing yet another song for me. He chose this one:

"Love Is A Many Splendid Thing"

It's the April rose that only grows in the early Spring.
Love is nature's way of give a reason to be living:
The golden crown that makes man a king.
Once on a high and windy hill,
In the morning mist, two lovers kissed,
And the world stood still.
Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing.
Yes, true love's a many-splendoured thing!

Once on a high and windy hill,
In the morning mist, two lovers kissed,
And the world stood still.
Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing.
Yes, true love's a many-splendoured thing!

He finished the song just in time we are about to enter the gate. It was also the time that I realized again that I was late hahaha. As he dropped me off our lobby, I smiled at him and told him that he made me smile with his songs and he reminded me of my tatay.

He was glad and we wished each other a good day.

Honestly, it gave me a good start for the day. I even posted it as a status message.

However! hehehe soi went online and was intrigued by my status. he asked me who did it to me. selos? =p seriously though, he does not like it. hehehe I just can't stop laughing because it was really nothing for me. and, this is just one of the rare cases that he does this =p

seriously, he really thought the uncle was flirting with me! I told him he is just like a father to me, but still he insisted that the man was flirting. Well he was not able to hear the whole story yet and maybe was surprised by my status, so there. My bad because I did not told me. I don’t have that much time either because we just both arrived at the office =p I was suppose to blog about this right after i arrive at the office but it gave me a second thought coz it might piss him more. but he is okay now. i just told him that the man was harmless, really. well for me at least. he will not have those good articles in the newspaper if he is a bad man right? if ever he is flirting, i dont think i would tolerate it as well. he just reminds me of my tatay that's why i loved listening to him. i was even teary eyed because i remembered tatay would sing it to nanay and lambing her.

but really, it was sweet of him to do it. he mentioned he keeps on doing it to his passenger even to a small kid, and to a mom with kids. maybe soi was just acting "overprotective" as how he puts it =p i can't blame him also :D a man singing to a girl is really something. that's why truly love it when i am taking my sweet time dressing up, and he would wait outside, playing some songs on the guitar, and when i come out he would sing for me ;)

Yes, true love's a many-splendoured thing!

=)

fruity

2009-01-21T12:45:00.000+08:00

written january 20, 2009

i was trying to involve more fruits in my foods lately. so this morning, together with my baon for lunch, i brought 2 bananas from what we bought from auntie and the apple i bought which was just kept in the ref for sometime already hehe

since it's almost chinese new year and i dont know why but it seems that mandarin orange is very important. :D my colleague who ordered 1 box in yet another promotion here in the office shared it to us. so in breakfast i had 1 banana and coffee(not really eating banana while sipping coffee for breakfast =p), had another banana before lunch. and had an orange after eating. as i was peeling my orange, i saw my apple. it made me feel proud =p im consuming lots of fruits today :D

i love fruits. especially apple. i just love the crunchy bite and the sweet taste. i love sweets. chocolate, ice cream, and i love thai food because most of it are sweet(and really spicy). maybe i am just a true blood ilonggo =p soi would complain if my adobo is sweet because he liked it very salty! well, i grew up eating sweet tasting adobo and i love it =p

anyways, going back to the topic. i just love eating fruits. imagine i just stayed at the table most of the time after new year because i have 13 varieties of fruits =D i love the crunchy and the sweet combination =D

even in perfume and other cosmetics such as perfume and lipstick or lip balm, i also like the fruity smell. we stopped by body shop in TP while waiting for the bus last tuesday. i ran out of my favorite zen zest apple cologne =( i was not able to buy a new one on my trip home last december so i am looking for some replacement. i am thinking of victoria's secret but i am thinking of other options as well. something cheaper too. i dragged soi along to go inside body shop so he can help/agree with the new scent i am going to have. i don't like to have a disgusting look from him when i start wearing a new cologne, so there. he does not wear cologne or perfume and i know he is just too picky on mine as well =p anyways, he did not fail me when he bought me a perfume as a pasalubong from his business trip to japan before. i loved the scent he gave me. it's even in a heart-shaped bottle so more romantic(i cherish these special times coz he rarely do it) =p and yes, its a fruity scent. maybe he noticed that i like that kind of scent. but the perfume actually is fruity, yet very very light so i loved it more and i am only using it on special occasions. so i thought he also knows how to choose =p so he could help me choosing a new one :D

sidenote:

this is supposed to be posted yesterday before i left for home, but i was hurrying to take the bus since we went to chinatown :D :D :D i left it unfinished and sent it to myself first heheh

please...

2009-01-13T18:05:00.001+08:00

i was sooo looking forward on to something. until i finally made you decide to come it excites me even more. as time gets nearer, you kept on changing, and you keep on saying you cant, then you will, then you cant.

one day i was so home sick. i cried so much that night. you hugged me and comforted me when you saw me cry, and promised that no matter what, we are going..

and suddenly, it changes again..please stop making promises..it hurts me more....

countdown

2009-01-08T12:53:00.001+08:00

tom is going to be an off for us ;) we're attending a wedding around 1pm so we took a whole day off. :) as i was looking into our group's calendar, soon it will be chinese new year, then valentines, then graduations in the philippines(soi's sis is graduating! :D ) and holy week!! and im going home!!! it's gonna be the wedding of my very close and dear friend tina :) for the first time, i am her maid of honor. i am very thrilled to be a part of it and do it. but most specially, i am very much excited to go home. i've been feeling homesick a lot lately :(

and, and, and :D i will be 1 year in the company on april. we are expecting some major changes as well but hopefully it will be for good. and then, few months after that, i will be off my bond :D hahah

27th

2009-01-06T13:52:00.001+08:00

im always lucky during my bdays ;)
last year, i received a free load from globe and this year, i got my refund from dbs(ok, not counted), but being a member in goldheart, i received a 50% off voucher or 150SGD off for their celestial products because its my birthday ;) not bad considering that i only bought once there. :D

as for my celebration, i loved my day off ;) as everyone in the world has started their first day of work after the holidays, i savoured my 3-day weekend :D not really a well rested day but i was amazed i was able to create a very delicious cheesecake :D we'll see if worth it ang expenses sa ingredients to the prize of other cheesecakes :D i messed up with the whipped frosting, but i was able to cover it up with fresh strawberries since wla jd ko kita ug blueberries or strawberries in cans.

i stayed away from pasta, since we had it pag new year, so i cooked pancit, and since there is still enough time, i decided to prepare siomai. jumbo siomai since my wrapper was quite big. my siomai lacks salt but after dipping it in toyo and lemon, it was delicious :D pwede na daw ko mocater ingon si rache :D my very own bday food and bday cake on my happy day :D all my favorites haha sorry housemates :D i even ordered KFC despite having siomai and chicken already and i am not expecting any visitor :D so i bid goodbye to the kiddie party idea, wla si ryan so wla clown, wla si neil so wala mascot :( heheh actually, i was just tired cooking for holidays, then work, then cook again, try out recipes etc so i decided to have our usual dinner at home. sayang the soon to be married couple are not around so kami lang 4 sa haus nag eat. i tried my very best na gamay lang ang food and honestly gamay ra jd sya but still, 4 lang mi so wla jd ghapon na hurot.

i then talked to my parents at home after dinner who also cooked spaghetti to celebrate ;) hayy i really missed home. i still wish im with them :( i have plans for my 28th bday with them though so please Lord, i hope madayon. :)

what's with being 27? nothing much really :D we'll see as i live on this year. but i am still thankful for friends who remembered and loved ones who celebrated with me :) next year, pramis mas simple :D hihi

bisaya na jud ko

2008-11-30T19:07:00.000+08:00

--written october 9, 2008---

back when MBA started, i remembered hating Cebu and cebuanos because of Cebu Lakers. cebuanos are so rude when Negros Slashers are playing in Cebu. So when it is the other way around, the coliseum would be all packed with supporters to watch the Negros Slashers and Cebu game. we would in turn, be the cruel people mocking Cebu players. eheh the coli would be closed even during practice games of Cebu Lakers because everyone hates them.

i would always comment then, law-ay ang mga cebuano(cebuanos are ugly) :D but that was only on basketball though. when it was 2 years before graduation, my friends and i were all set to work in manila. but after our tour to manila and cebu, we thought we liked cebu better. less pollution, less traffic, but still plenty of opportunities.

and just like a dream come true,my first ever job was in cebu. i was lucky to find one and start immediately after graduation and the company is really good. but this means sacrifice as well. i will be leaving home for the first time. and unfortunately, my college friends are not with me. i am with 4 other BOYs from our school. im the only girl that got accepted :( one is my classmate, but at that time we had a gap :p the other one is our schoolmate which is not really a close/good friend, and i do not know the other two. the only consolation i had that time was the salary, and the fact that two of my high school barkada were there. one was already working there, and the other one will be there for review. so at least i still got company.

learning the dialect was never easy. attending the orientation and listening to our company nurse talking about tambal, etc is one thing i could not forget. i would always turn to my seatmate and ask for the meaning of the word :D but one thing i really appreciated is that we started in the company in a group. one guy also knows ilonggo so he is our translator ;) all the girls in our batch would usually hang out. and our batch had a lot of laag(out of town, or just around cebu), making it fast for me to learn bisaya.

now after 4 years and 9 months of working in cebu i am saying na bisaya/cebuano na jud ko(i am really cebuano). or i got used to using the dialect i guess. even if i talk to ilonggo or tagalog(my officemate here now are all tagalog), sometimes i subconsciously use cebuano words. even when thinking, or praying, i would use bisaya instead of ilonggo. :) good thing i am using the word correctly. some words are still foreign to me, but when i talk, im glad that i sound bisaya rather than sounding ilonggo using bisaya words ;) some would even say that they thought im cebuano and not ilonggo :p

even when i am no longer in cebu, i still have friends who are cebuano. all my friends and housemates here and of course soi are all bisaya, so i think i will never stop using the dialect. the connection i had with cebu will always be there. home for me is bacolod and cebu.

even if there are still more cebuano words to learn, i am glad i learned some of it well and am using it correctly :)

amazing race asia 3

2008-11-21T14:08:00.003+08:00

kabati...

geoff and tish almost won it, but due to kayak, they lost from the hongkong boys and got the 2nd place..so sad..we were all stuck in the tele(=p) during and after dinner watching the show and screaming as the two teams(HK Boys and Geoff and Tish) were digging and looking for the treasure chest containing the 100,000 USD Price. it is the last task before they can go to the pit stop for the final leg.

we enjoyed watching the show, and we are left to waiting for the other amazing race show every monday. =(

holidays

2008-10-01T12:00:00.000+08:00

when there is going to be a big holiday, we are having a half day off before that holiday.

so tomorrow is the end of ramadan, our muslim colleagues are given the off this afternoon. my pinoy colleague also told me that on december 24th(day before christmas), december 31st(day before new year), and every holy thursday, we are also on half day work only :D

wee!! so nice :D

and..team buildings are held on weekdays :D so more holidays for us :D hehe

craze

2008-09-26T17:01:00.000+08:00

everyone is just feeling the f1 craze which starts today until sunday. 2 of my officemates are on leave to watch the race today, some of our managers in my previous company are arriving tonight for the f1 as well i think. our client, who is coming over for business, are also treated by our boss to f1.

everyone seems uninterested to work today. some went out for lunch and came back at around 2 and 230. just after lunch, one is in the lobby just sitting around. the other one is going around the building, the rest inside the room are surfing the net.

i, myself wants to go home and sleep and continue getting ds games(yep, i already bought one :D). it was raining from morning till around 2pm. and i just want to drink coffee and curl up in the bed playing bomberman :D

but still, the craze is really tempting..i also wanted to have a glimpse on what is happening here. in short, makichismis :D i am no fan, but i love playing need for speed =p i am not rich to afford the ticket either, and surely soi, dont want to. but singapore is just a small country that you can witness anything happening here, as long as you have the time and the money, and you were aware it happened.

oh well, hope to have a happy F1 weekend(as what my boss said)
:)

yatta

2008-09-19T15:00:00.001+08:00

finally my challenge was finished..

as i was looking into DS Lite on the net before and where to buy it here in sg, i found that it is around 200-250 for the console.
so, the challenge is:
if i get up early everyday, and stop thinking that my office is just around 15minute taxi ride from home, i can save around 15sgd per day. for two weeks, it would be enough to buy a DS lite or PSP.

this is because for several weeks i have been taking taxi almost everyday. i get up at around 8, prepare and leave home at 845 or 9, and still wont be late because there is a way from our house to the office that is just really quick. but if i take the train, i needed at least an hour to get to the office so i have to wake up at around 7 to 730.

this is done for me, to discipline myself and save. i know i can just afford to buy one DS lite but just to break my bad habit...

so how? i managed to get up early, prepare my lunch box and commute to work for two weeks...but now, i am having 2nd thoughts on DS lite :(

wahh so weird lah!

finally...

2008-09-17T19:01:00.002+08:00

its getting harder to sleep early(blame it on 1 liter of tears) and to wake up early as well..2 days left..today im on day 8..

i found the place that i was looking for..only thing to do is to go there and check personally, bring money and buy the dslite...
there is still 2nd thoughts but we'll see when i go there hehe

sidenote:
such good news from someone last night..but why ask me?
i think you knew the answer....
haayyyy...

sunshiny

2008-09-16T13:17:00.001+08:00

it feels good to feel the cool air inside upon seeing the warm sunshine outside...

day 7..

yesterday, ds lite is almost bought despite of my unfinished challenge..but..demo, pero...
since having a cartridge is not allowed here, and my fave kanji game is not sold at the store, i am left having second thoughts on getting one :(
although on the train on my way home we saw a guy playing and i still wanted to have one :(
r4ds, where are you? :(

day 6

2008-09-15T18:03:00.001+08:00

3 more days and i can finally buy the ds lite i have been wanting :D

i know these 3 days will be easy but what i am really thankful is for the last week to be over..it may not mean that in the future it will be better, but at least, it was easier than i thought..although i still wished i met her and let her see how happy we are so she would just stop. :D

call me evil but i just hoped she would stop. anyways, things are clear between me and soi. i told him what i really wanted and promise, i have really seen his effort to assure me that there is nothing to be worried about.

anyways, we did some quick check on the prices of ds lite and so far, all stores offers console with games for 300sgd..well at least stores in funan that is. i need to go and look around in far east plaza this week. what i have seen on the net shows 200sgd and that is what i budgeted for it :(

congrats

2008-09-12T16:29:00.000+08:00

you were successful to piss me off, and creating chaos between us. just take note that this is only for today...

hay Lord, tabang...d ko dapat saputon :(

3rd post for the day..and i see some more are coming..
i just felt i need to air this out even if i dont have readers..
hayz..if only i can be a bitch just for now :S

certified mooncake addict ;)

2008-09-12T11:47:00.001+08:00

and soi got influenced :D mas maau nuon heheheh

soi is working in chinatown but then for him the lighted lanterns are just nothing..toinks that is why those lanterns were there since the start of this month, i have been asking him, he said there was nothing..

after several weeks of pleading that we go to chinatown and see the mid autumn festival, soi finally agreed last night :)

it took me several days of lambing and pa cute and pamugos haha..maynalang naa ko gikalagutan mao nisugot :p

anyways, it is the mid autumn festival here, and there are lighted lanterns in chinatown and some street bazaar..lighted lanterns are also in chinese garden..i got to use up this week's samok to persuade him to go to chinese garden :D the peak of the mid autumn is actually this weekend.

and since its mid autumn festival, the mooncakes are all over the country ;) i bought some during the mooncake bazaar here in the office, then when i saw another store on chinatown, i checked their stuffs and soi bought me one ;) he was eating it and liked it as well :D finally heheh now i still wanted to go around several places and try more mooncake. what i bought in the office are small snowskin. the liqour collection and the lotus paste with pandan..i wanted to try durian, yam and all others :D even my housemates now liked the mooncake i bought ;) i thought i would be the only one who will enjoy it :D

but the chinatown lanterns is just so so..no pictures since i dont have a cam except for my phone..but just decided not to take some pics anyways..they have all these red lanterns in sort of gate. and the rest are big flower lanterns scattered along the streets..

the only thing i enjoyed was going around those bazaar and checking out their stuffs ;) it was just a quick walk then we went home..soi's shoes is giving him problems so we just went home directly.

a desperate attempt..

2008-09-12T09:45:00.000+08:00

just to get to see him?
hahay...

day 5 na sa ako countdown..cant wait for next week..just a lot of things to look forward to..maynalang mabawi ang kalagot

day 4...

2008-09-11T12:04:00.000+08:00

it's tiring...
is it worth it?

im just bothered.. :(

how to deal?

2008-09-10T13:11:00.002+08:00

if you trust one person, should you allow that person to meet with someone you dont trust?

i trust you but i dont trust her..so should they meet?
will i be at peace?
if only it is that easy...
or maybe this is the time that we can finally meet?
i can give it a try..but that wont give me an assurance that things will be better..

hayz

2008-09-10T12:45:00.002+08:00

day 4 na..so fast..
but!
grr
something destroyed my day :S
why on earth are you following us???
can't you see we're fine here without you!
grr

mid autumn festival

2008-09-09T13:56:00.001+08:00

got 2 boxes of mini snowskin mooncakes ;) i don't know why snowskin are in small sizes here in the office..but still, i cant wait to eat this at home :D

i tried some earlier, and it is really soft, and melts when eaten so this is the same mooncake i tasted before in cebu(which makes me want to eat here after seeing different variety ;)

i got one box with the lotus and lotus pandan fillings, no egg yolk( for me it does not really matter) and i got another box with various flavours like strawberry, rum and raisin, champange and baileys :D

we'll see if this finishes my unending cravings for these mooncakes..the festival is going to have its highlight this weekend and i wanted to go to chinese garden and chinatown. i guess mooncakes are still going to be all over the place until end of this month..and i still want to try more :D

day 2 and day 3

2008-09-09T13:50:00.002+08:00

day 2 was quite easy, long rest at weekends was helpful ;)

though my body was in pain after the smash game, where i sweat tons and gasped for airs after several swing and footwork practice, i still felt i had a great weekend..

badminton on saturday followed by an early dinner at Carl's in Vivo and movie at Gmax. We watched Wall-E. The place is so big, and i wanted to watch madagascar there ;)
sunday was just at home..went to church in the evening, then had a nice dinner at the interchange :)

day 3 was even better because i am having company already :D

and the best part, my challenge is for 2 weeks but i remembered i only have 5-day work week so 7 weekdays to go :D

ganbatte to me :D

convinced ;)

2008-09-05T11:16:00.002+08:00

im buying!! :D

excited...but..i need to wait for 2weeks ;)
so today is the start of countdown..
im recording something everyday as a reminder :D
i made a challenge for 2weeks, and if i can do it, then i can buy DS after 2weeks ;)

it was hard for the first day, but proudly done it today ;)
not on the desired time but just enough to do a lot :D

good luck next week :D

i want...

2008-09-04T17:54:00.002+08:00

a new toy...

after buying my mobile hdd, i transfered files from my old hd to the new one..the old one is what we use in watching movies so i had to put my personal files somewhere..aside from that, i am jumping from one laptop to the other so i thought it would be more convenient.

so while transferring files, i have seen the jap drama i have been wanting to watch..while watching, i still felt like i wanted to continue learning nihongo ;)

then, i remembered reading and/or hearing someone talking that because DS has touchscreen, there are games where learning kanji is possible.

and...since ramen was here, we became a little hooked with PSP, i thought, why not buy DS instead of PSP?

think...think...

finally finally :D

2008-09-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

after the first session's missed, i was finally able to attend the smash training last saturday ;) it was fun, and a good exercise hihi still needs more more practice but i'm inspired now :D

and...i have been a good girl haha so soi rewarded me with an oven!! wee!!! i have been planning to get one after seeing some ovens here for less than a 100. until i was with him on one store and he found it interesting because we can roast chicken haha. so there. i tried cooking some pork since its the only available meat we have on the ref when we arrived and planned on cooking some more for the first few weeks to test it ;)

after suntec, where i got my mobile hdd, we had yoshi, movie and some shopping..then we dropped by TP and bought whole chicken :D i made my very own roasted chicken ;) crispy skin outside, tender, juicy and tasty meat inside :D we almost finished the whole chicken even if we already had our dinner :D

can't wait to shop for my mixer, baking pans, measuring churva and of course make choco crinkles, baked cheesecake, cookies and more cakes :D

food, food, free food :D

2008-08-28T11:17:00.002+08:00

what I love about our company is the frequent free foods, free talk/seminars, discounts, roadshows and a very nice HR :D

we are receiving free fruits monthly, accompanied by our hr's email on the benefits of the fruits or of the juice they are giving us. last time we had pear, tambis, apple juice, orange juice..some small stuffs but considering we are over a thousand here in the office, its something. we even had our durian party here ;)

yesterday we attended the free lunch talk about cervical cancer. we need not go out of the office coz we have our own auditorium. we were given free lunch, and some freebies.

today, i had a taste of durian and yam mooncake courtesy of our manager. and on september 9, several hotels and restaurants are coming over to the office to sell mooncake. we have our own mooncake festival here ;) of course we are getting discounts for it ;) excited! :D i tried mooncake once in cebu during the mooncake festival in waterfront, and when i found it here, ive been wanting to try different flavors especially the snowskin ones. it is quite expensive for about 10-15dollars each for the big ones, depending on the flavor and of course on the maker. but still, i so wanted to try everything..they said even starbucks and swensens are selling ice cream mooncake..waaahhh

anyways, aside from food discounts, we are also having roadshows here from starhub(internet, cellphone plans and cable provider), citibank, and other banks. today we have UOB here where you can open an account with their agents or apply for a credit card without the hassle of going to their banks.

very convenient ;)

in transit

2008-08-27T18:24:00.002+08:00

we were in transit from one country to another country(chars! country jud! ) last weekend. well, singapore and malaysia were actually just a bus ride away. literally in transit because we only stayed at one place to sleep for just 2hours, the rest, we were either walking, or taking bus rides, mrt rides, and taxi.

but definitely, it was not easy. for one, only one part of malaysia is near singapore and the rest is very far..
it was all our first time going there, there is a difference in currency and language. Singapore signs are mostly english while in malaysia, 85% i think is in malay. in singapore, you can feel far more secured than in malaysia heheh

anyways, i have proven the help of umbrella, slippers, internet, cellphone atm, and credit card during our trip. despite the fear and feeling lost, it was an great overall experience for all of us.

lots of things learned, and quouting soi, it was bonding for the three of us ;)

well, things happen for a reason, but one thing I am going to do in the coming month: apply for a credit card here, and bring my old credit card :D

it was one trip ill surely never forget :)

lolo

2008-05-18T05:50:00.003+08:00

i am watching britain's got talent today and there is one lolo who is performing and hoping to win. he said he is going to dance. he only have one dance step and is just going around tapping his feet and shaking his hands. it look cute for me especially considering that he is actually old :)

suddenly i actually felt missing my lolo. my nanay's father died when she is still in high school so i never got the chance to meet him. my tatay's father died in 1990 when i am still in elementary so i did get to spend more time with him.

maybe considering the fact that i am around all guys here in the ealing office being the only girl in the department who does development actually(in singapore, i got several girl groupmate), and being a manager who takes care of us like his real family, and a manager here in london who is also very helpful, reminds me of my lolo makes me miss my father. and thinking that some years from now, he will grow as old as this old man in the tv, and will still be entertaining his grandchildren :)

on a side note, maybe i should give him some grandchildren soon(joke!) seriously though, i felt more homesick now :( i know in 4 weeks i will be going back to singapore, but it will still be after several months that i will actually be going home in the philippines.

hay..the price of better work hehehe

well, the old man was not accepted because according to simon it is not dancing :) but he is cute :)

inspiration

2008-05-06T00:32:00.002+08:00

to one of the person who inspired us to blog :)

among the blog of aprilfools, i can say claire and di's blog are the most famous..and they are actually two person who started blogging and inspired us all to do so :)

from blogspot to wordpress and multiply..

i can remember one kris kringle with aprilfools wherein the person who got dian described her as the heart of aprilfool(i hope im right :D)..she is actually one of the noisy person i can remember talking to neil during our first day at nsp, and one person who started talking to us despite the fact that we don't understand bisaya :D

i am the only girl in c++ group, but despite this, i still was able to hang out with them coz of di :) really very friendly :) my teacher why people consider me good in bisaya ;) yeah, im good :D d daw klaro na ilonggo ko =p or bacolodian =p we talked and talked before making me learn bisaya words and way of talking quickly :)

so to the heart of aprilfools, happy birthday!! :)
mwah mwah!

proud girlfiend c",)

2008-04-23T03:40:00.002+08:00

i just can't help but post about this..i have been having this in my status message since the news came out and i so wanted to blog about this..good thing i am not in singapore right now =p

i've seen him trying to answer some previous exams in preparation for this but nevermore and axe are so irresistible that he ended up killing creeps and heroes instead ;) i knew he is not that confident and have thought of just taking the exam for the sake of it, but i am quite confident that he can make it especially on the programming and networking part ;)

the result was fast and after a week, it was already out. my heart is beating fast after i received and email from butch that he passed the exam ;)

now he is a Philnits FW passer ;)
makes me a proud girlfriend ;)

one more...

2008-02-21T17:58:00.001+08:00

finally!!

the wait is over...

just one more thing Lord please...
i know HE has been so great with me..
but i love the learning and growing process..
one last thing Lord =D

melted

2008-02-20T23:08:00.003+08:00

i was browsing through my stuffs last weekend and i came across my favorite mp3s stored in my hard disk. i copied it in my laptop again, and while rendering ot today, i played them. after a happy dancing tune, silent world by donna lewis was played. i suddenly just wanted to rest my back, or lie down, play the music loudly, close my eyes and just listen to it. i even felt teary eyed or simply just wanted to cry.

lately, it has been a stressful, exciting and different week for me. maybe even more different for the coming weeks.

the song is actually a dedication for someone who died. i even posted i here in my blog before when my lola died. but the first time i dedicated it was for my uncle. someone whose death i cannot forget making me wanted to curse the hospital he was in. recalling it makes me want to cry or even just simple talking about it really makes me cry. i also wanted the song to be played in my wake over and over again when i die. i know its bad to talk about it; i was even reprimanded by my sister and i know my parents would kill me if they hear me talking like this. but yes, i hope someone will remember this. i want this played all through out my wake and of course during my burial. it's not scary. it's just something that i wanted and i dont want to die yet.

when i was still in college, i heard it from killer bee every sunday evening before they sign off. actually before 1130 or around that time coz they sign off at 12midnight. i am usually at bed during those times, listening to the radio while trying to sleep. it has became my favorite regardless of the meaning. i searched for the lyrics and i memorized it. i would feel bad if they won't play it. i would always make it a point that i am tuned in during those times so i can hear it. mp3 players are not popular that time.

i am actually like that. when i feel down, or sad, or happy or just simply peaceful, i wanted to listen to the music LOUDLY(i mean hurting my ears, but i just wanted to listen to the music alone) and play it again and again.

i've been playing it again after it finishes....

first time

2008-02-15T23:33:00.003+08:00

multiply is once again blocked in the office...
i don't know how they do that and how do they check if it's block or not
last time it was blocked, i accidentally opened one link and found out its not,
and not its blocked again..which is why im blogging in blogspot..

i felt really tired today waking up early, doing some errands, reading something
working, doing a certain task, then work again..i thought i would be able to sleep
early and have my facial too but, im still here at the office up to this hour..

--
i cooked hotdogs and bought it at the office this morning for my lunch..but when i
went out to buy rice and veggies at our canteed, i found the very tempting pork humba.
i decided buy it and the guy told me to choose a part..i preferred the less fatty one, but
to my dismay, he gave me a very small part and that's already for 25pesos. i almost
put it back and ordered the veggies instead. i decided to buy kangkong and their sort
of supervisor gave me too much...i guess its because its not saleable..tsk tsk
so for lunch i ate a lot even if i only ordered half rice..i need to eat well anyway.

--
at dinner, i still felt full after drinking c2 and eating chocolates but since its already 7pm,
i went out with my groupmates and dined with them. we ate at ila puti and ordered sisig.
i guess i have been having a lot of pleasure foods today...but i deserved it after too
much pressure from last night until this afternoon =p

--
i am so bored..i wanted to code :( i figured out that there are a lot of things that i wanted to do,
to learn, and to discover...but i guess i was not able to have that opportunity..whether i like it
or not, im still not superwoman to be able to do it all..but i am starting to do something about
it though..but just this evening, i really felt bored doing all the documentations and data checking
and i soo soo wanted to code and debug :(

--
2 more weeks and i still got a lot of things to do...1 more important thing has not arrived yet. 2 actually
i felt pressured, excited, and scared..though i am more on excited side though...
really wishful thinking..

--
my groupmate is taking the longest time to finish the report :( i felt like i regret making him do it...
anyways, its the reason why i am still here...guess ill just have to finish my task so i can list all my
TODOsssssssssssss and start doing it

--
the title means that its the first time i really wawnted to escape from documentation and go coding and debugging :(

--
i am sooo sleepy :(

happy hearts day!

2008-02-14T13:02:00.000+08:00

and i got a very nice present for today =)
one more to go....

crazy thought

2008-02-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

today was supposed to be my chance to do 1 thing i should do before this month ends. that is to walk from the office to home or even walk along the area where my bag was snatched.

that are was just near our dentist office. today i had a scheduled suture removal(a.k.a. stitch removal). i had my tooth extracted last last saturday but unfortunately, our dentist broke may tooth(again), and told me to go back on tuesday since they are to open it again and perform surgery so they can remove the roots of my tooth.

around 1215(my appointment is 1230), armed with umbrella, glasses and wallet, i walked bravely from the office. the intention was just to walk until the dentist's clinic and pass by my feared place.

from the office to the 2nd block, i was still ok, but my mind was thinking, will i be able to do it. at the end of the 2nd block, instead of going right, i walked straight, crossed the street, walked around 1.15 meters, then crossed again the street to go to the dentist office.

silly! yes very silly!! i just crossed the street so that i wont walk by the side where my bag was snatched, and then cross again to go to the clinic. well at least, i did not decided to ride a jeepney =p

so that's my plan of doing what i feared to do..maybe i need more time, or to be with someone to be able to do that or may i wont be able to do that...just the thought of it give me goosebumps...grrr...i though i was strong enough...

so that's the effect of being snatched. :(

instant party

2008-02-07T12:56:00.000+08:00

so sad...
not the kind of party i was hoping for...
but at least there is one...

it's just that, its so different :(
i know i should not rant about this..

...

2008-01-04T12:49:00.000+08:00

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabys
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

Oooohhh
Dream of me

is it still there?

2007-11-20T13:54:00.000+08:00

i was having difficulty trying to compose this post. i do not know where to start. maybe because i do not know how it ended. it just came to an abrupt stop.

one resignation followed by another. each going to different places. some pursuing their dreams, some going with their loved ones, some wanted to have some changes, and some simply wanted to leave.

scattered in different places such as manila, singapore, and japan and some are even just in cebu but in a different company. the very strong bond and very fun friendship and the endless trips suddenly came to stop. even the eating out at the canteen or the movies, dinner, k1 and timezone is no longer there.

maybe i cannot blame the situation or the priorities of the people, but maybe what i felt is the loneliness, the feeling of missing the laughters and the noise. the feeling of having someone to go to anytime or someone to just chat to about anything. the office is now similar to the office in MK. even if the work is not that busy, still the difference of not having someone to talk to, makes it unbearable and unfriendly :(

its maybe sentimental on my part and its maybe selfish to still expect people to be as enthusiastic as before, but hey, did we lost the friendship already? or we are just scattered to different places yet we know that the bond is still there. we know that there is still the friendship, and there are still people to share the laughters, the good news, the victories, and anything with.

i guess...

chant to self

2007-11-14T15:54:00.000+08:00

patience is a virtue...

quitting

2007-11-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

giving up is still an option..
and it will be a good choice...

sancti

2007-10-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

happy happy birthday sancti!!!!
i wish you so much happiness and love, from your parents,
grandparents, ninang and everyone =)
stay the cute little baby boy you are right now =)
love you parents always
especially your mom coz she loves you so much =)
mwah mwah!
i hope to see you soon ;)

harsh...

2007-10-04T14:33:00.001+08:00

i don't think i still have friends here..

maybe i don't belong here..

rainy days and mondays always get me down..

2007-10-01T19:07:00.000+08:00

wala lang..
i just remembered the song when i was about to compose this blog =)

my monday was all in a rush.
i woke up later than i suppose to get up.
i kept on setting my alarm to snooze =D

what can i do, when it rains,
it feels good to stay in bed ;)

i was really thinking that the seminar today starts at 930.
good thing i did not wait for korn, anymore coz i really thought
its gonna be 930am.

yey!
i managed to go out of the house and go to the office alone this morning ;)
pressure really makes me do things i thought i cannot do :D

i arrived at 905am.
i checked my mail and the seminar is suppose to start 900am!!
waahh!!!
some are not around yet though so i was saved :)

i was not able to check emails or what, i hurriedly went to
conference room a.
listened while dozing off at some moments heheeh
dunno why i felt so sleepy..
must be the rain ;)

we had lots of food
ehehe
we had jollibee burger during snacks,
with free coffee.
drink all you can coffee.
but settled for water coz i felt so thirsty running to get to the
office early and immediately listened to the seminar
without taking some water first.

i finished my burger just in time the seminar started.
by 12noon, we all rushed to get our lunch
it was kfc's 2piece chicken(put big smile here)
=D

but, i have to go to metrobank with mark to get some money
the bank was so full.
the number being served is i think 66, and our number was
90 and 91 :(
we waited until 1255
it was when we decided we will just go back tomorrow.
so we ran, ride the jeepney to the office and ran again from the office to the gate

i thought i wont be able to eat my lunch.
but the
seminar will resume by 130 so i still have some time to eat

i was not able to finish my food.
i just drank my c2 and brought some coffee at the conference room.

i was a little awake on the afternoon session.
i swapped seats with my officemate and now
im seated in front of the speaker
haha

we had snacks by 3pm, so it was ok
even if i ate very very little for lunch.
we had the empanada at red ribbon ;)
promise its really delicious ;)
i loved that food actually =)
we finished by around 5pm instead of the
scheduled 430pm.

i went to my cube and started doing project stuffs.
its 7pm and im still here.
i still have to wait for our manager to finish their review.

i felt so tired after the seminar,
i felt hot like im having a fever,
my body aches too despite the fact
that i had a good rest over the weekend :(
what could be wrong.
i always feel hot, and feverish for several nights now
since the 2days overnight here at the office

tsk tsk
overtime is not good..

i was planning on making a new blog..
its going to be a learning journal.
i planned on putting everything i have learned
about work, and etc etc :)
this is to remind me also of the things that i should
be reacting or thinking or should be doing =)

traffic and tension and other mixed emotions

2007-09-30T12:00:00.000+08:00

rinnel was catching a trip last friday night.
we went out of the office at around 540pm thinking
that we will be able to catch up well.

what we did not expect was the heavy traffic even in lahug
area, and the rain.

when we went out, it was about to rain.
halfway walking around IT park, it drizzles.
we really had to get a taxi or we will be having a hard time getting one.

we walked until outside the IT park, wishing we will be seeing vacant taxis.
to no avail, none came.
rinnel called a taxi at the waterfront area.
we were quite relieved, but i knew that it is not really a good thing.
because, the traffic is still really heavy.

he was nervous, and so upset coz kim already texted him that they are
already at the airport.
we told the driver to make it fast. he was ranting about the traffic, but
still we asked him to try to make it fast coz we are catching a trip.

rinnel was silent for some moment,
then ranting the next, cursing those drivers that causes more traffic.
he was uneasy. he keeps on texting kim on where he already is.

fortunately, we arrived at the airport just on time.
it was a fast goodbye for us :(
not too much talk or what..
kim went out after checking in her things but rinnel was still outside.
i just texted him some stuffs, called him and told him that i will be leaving.
he told me to wait coz he is still fixing some stuffs, then he will go out.
it was nearly boarding time, so i told him that i will leave and he will just
rest.
he went out for some minutes, we said goodbye and i took the taxi going
back to the office.

it was sad but not that dramatic.
toinks.
i was ok after that.

i was just pissed when he did not text me or emailed me
that he already arrived.

we talked, on saturday morning already but it was a short chat.
i guess i was just having a hard time adjusting because for one,
he can't chat freely or use the pc freely coz a lot of them are sharing
the internet and the laptop.
i cannot text him that much even coz he is on roaming and it was quite costly.
we were not able to talk more or agree on the time when we will chat.

hahay..
the sad thing, i still cant go out freely coz im still scared.
damn this heart!
why cant i get over this trauma stuff.
i was walking alone from our apartment to the highway to take a taxi
and i was really walking so fast, looking to my left and right,
sensing if there are people following me or what.
my heart beats so fast, that i always felt like fainting.
i was on a taxi going to abella yesterday.
of course there will be motorcycle that will pass us,
and it gives me a twitch coz i felt like, im still outside
ready to be harmed.
grr...
when will this end...

girls talk

2007-09-30T11:52:00.000+08:00

last friday night, two things happened.
but ill be blogging about the other one separately ;)

steng, invited us out for dinner and some coffee.
it was such a fun night that we have not realized it already 3am.

we dined at abuhan 3.
since we are also waiting for juvy, we choose to eat at the IT park area.

the food was really great.
the sizzling pochero is so yum yum =)
and what's a good combination with food and friends?
its chika =)
hihi

we talked about a lot of things that we finished eating or rather,
we went out of the restaurant at around 11pm.

we went to starbucks next, but since it was full, we decided to go
to bo's instead.
we continued our talk there. juvy went home at around 1am,
while me, steng, mam ana and chai continued our chika =)
we really tackled a lot of topics!
i learned a lot hehehe
girls stuffs ;)
made me realize, im really a grown up =p
hahaha

it was one good evening.
although i was worried about something,
i still had fun =)
thanks to them, coz i really missed hanging out with girl friends =)
thanks chai, steng, juvs, and mam ana =)

and what's the best part is? :)
it was for free =p
thanks steng and juvy ;)
sa uulitin =D

i just have to blog this...

2007-09-28T10:44:00.000+08:00

last wednesday, we went straight until 12noon the following day.
it was tiring

God is good for letting me not worry
too much...

i had a good rest..
not enough but that was best...

now, i feel anxious...
i hope all turns well...
i'll be sad...
but i know its for the best....

stress and pressure

2007-09-27T03:03:00.001+08:00

this week has been so stressful to me
with a lot of things that has happened,
a lot of things to attend to
and a lot of things i am looking forward to.

this week was our release week.
just a week before our release, we had a request to
have a temporary release and another release which
is a day before our planned schedule.

everything was still fine until monday.
we discovered some problems during our confirmation.
we stayed at the office until around 7am of tuesday
to send the temporary release.
we went back to the office in the afternoon.

that was around 2-3 hours of sleep for us.
we went home early on tuesday since we all look
so stressed and tired.
i knew we still cannot work efficiently even if
we force ourselves to stay here.
if i saw my groupmates sleeping in their cube, we
might as well sleep at our bed.

when we went back this wednesday morning, we are
bombarded with a lot of confirmation items, and
very impossible requests.
these are fine, as long as we have enough time
but as they see, we have around 35hours before our
release and they expect us to finish the remaining 75%
of the test items.
these 75% of items can be finished in 5days time.
but, that is not just the problem.
they have been reporting bugs which are not really
bugs, they just have problems with their configuration.
they want this and that and they want it right there and
then.

we are not super engineers you know!
grrrr!

DARN!!!!!

2007-09-26T14:02:00.000+08:00

why is it that they are not following their requirements!
and why does the information comes to us at the latest possible
time where we have to kill ourselves trying to adjust to their needs!

argh!!

on the brighter side

2007-09-26T12:02:00.000+08:00

the snatching incident is still scary.
i still do not want to go out or walk alone..

but after i relayed my story to some people, i have also heard a lot of stories
about similar incidents, some even worse.

i knew i have also seen those in tv and heard it on the radio or read it in newspapers.

i guess from all of it that has happened,
as i have been praying and thankful for,
is nothing happened to us during that time...

i knew i was not able to recover my things,
i knew they are still out there,
i knew the police did not catch them yet,
but i knew also that i have learned a lesson from it,
and i knew i should also be thankful
that no harm is done to us physically.

some said that there was also one instance where
the girl was dragged because she is still holding
on to her bag,
some were hurt because they forcely tooked the
bag from the owner
some has even worst trauma because the snatchers
were really close to them threatening them with
deadly weapons
some were hurt because they tried to go after those
cruel criminals
some were even killed.

material things can just be replaced.
but if we were hurt or something bad happened
to us, it was even worst.

good thing we are still unharmed.

aftershock

2007-09-25T01:24:00.000+08:00

after the incident last friday, i have never had a good sleep or a peaceful mind.

friday night was the worst. i managed to stop those tears but still, getting a rest was very difficult.
i was just lying in my bed, memories flashing back without effort even if i keep on trying to
forget about it.

as i recall what are the stuffs inside my bag, i kept on feeling the fear and thinking of all the what ifs.
what if they will try to do it again to me, or what if they will try hurting me, etc.
i wanted them to be in prison. that would make me feel safe.
i am hoping to get some call from the police station but unfortunately nothing came.

it was such a stressful weekend.
eventhough there was suppose to be something to be celebrated on.

since i do not have any working sim, i cannot use my fon and he cannot contact me.
unfortunately, as i was trying my best to do a surprise, he arrived earlier than i expected.
he was in such a hurry and told me that we had to go to SM to meet William.
we had to meet with them by 1145 at it was already 1145 when he arrived home.
i was not even dressed or i did not even took a bath yet.
at first i declined. i felt safer at home, but he insisted.
i hurriedly prepared and we went to SM to meet with them.
while in the taxi, we still are speechless.
it was a special day, but we are seems in a hurry, so tired and so stressed out.

we waited for a while in sm, until they arrived.
we had lunch and discussion.
we finished at around 130pm, and we went ahead because we still had to prepare several stuffs.
we went to our first errand, then to the next, and to the last errand.

since we do not have a key to the apartment, we went to abellana to borrow key.
we met up with some of the housemates who is on the way home.

when we arrived home, that was the time where we cooked and feasted on the food.
we were suppose to watch prison break but decided to postpone it until next week.

i want him to go home early.
i still dont feel safe and i know he is not safe also.

i was just in the sala watching tv until around 10pm, when i realized i was already sleeping.
since mark is still in the sala, i just stayed there for a while.
i woke up around 1030, mark is gone so i went upstairs.
good thing i was really sleepy because i was able to rest.

since i already bought a sim, my fon is already on.
i woke up and when i checked my fon it was already 349pm.
i was shocked, i could not believe i slept from 1030pm to 349pm of course.
since i was scared to turn off the light that night, i could not fully recognize if it
was really sunday afternoon or sunday dawn.
i went out of the room and checked and realized that it was actually 349am.

i could not get back to sleep.
i was arranging the contacts on my fon.
i still could not sleep.
i read for the saved messages, deleted to personal ones(being careful in case i lost it again)
i still could not sleep until 430am.
i texted him, i texted my sister.
i told them i am afraid.
i was already crying, i was praying but i was actually trembling.
i am really scared.
after several more minutes of prayer,
i was calm, when i decided to get up.
i ironed some clothes and fixed my room.
around 6am, sun was up, when i decided to go down to the sala
i bought my pillow and my blanket
i watched tv.
i fall asleep in the middle of the shows.
tv really makes me sleep.
how i wished it was in my room so i do not have to
fit myself in the couch.
around 9am when all my other housemates were awake.
i am a little sleepy so i went back to bed.

he called me up, told me that we go to church in the morning.
but he realized that i was still sleepy, we decided to go in the afternoon instead.

it was one good sunday.
we finished our errands,
was able to attend the mass
go to sto nino
go to usc
and went home early.

i went to bed around 1am.
i am still not sleepy.
in my mind,
it's already working day tomorrow.
i will be facing the effect of the incident last friday
process my papers, etc
and i have to go to the office which i fear most.
again i cried..
but i stopped myself from texting him again..
i know i will just worry him..
and i know this is not a good time to do it.

i managed to sleep,
wake up early and went to the office with korn
they agreed to wait for me so that we will go to the office together
i told them i am still scared.

i arrived later that my planned time but it was ok.
i am safe.

i started processing stuffs.
went to the bank, called several offices.

it was in the afternoon that i felt bad.
i had to go to an attorney for the affidavit of loss.
he was busy
so i decided to go alone instead of bugging him to tag along with me
im scared, reluctant to go
which is why my undertime which is suppose to be from 2pm
was moved to 3pm.

i managed to finish it until 5pm.
i wanted to go ayala coz i badly needed a shampoo but decided not to go
i was expecting that i can ask him to bring me to ayala so we could buy it
i also do not want to go to jy.
but from the way we texted, i knew he was busy.
he was being pestered by a great person who does not know how to work
in a team. how i hate that guy!

i arrived at the office 447pm.
i finished some tasks, and office works.
we chatted, and since its almost 6pm,
he told me he is going home.
too late to ask him not too.
i know he has a lot of things to finish too..
i know he has to go home early also for his kuya
and i know he has to go home early to be safe...

i felt so alone...
but i know i could not sacrifice his safety for me...
i know he has other things to finish..
i know we should prioritize it...
it happens that it is during these times that i also needed someone
because i am so scared of what happened
but i know i have to be strong.
although most of the times, i felt safe just inside the house
i no longer what to go out..
i felt safe now i am inside the office with many people...
i do not want to go alone
ride in the taxi alone...
walk alone...

this is such a torture...

beware and always be careful

2007-09-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

i do not want to talk about this or post or recall about what happened to me
last friday night but i guess, if i was not able to do something that night,
i should be doing something so others will prevent it from happening to them.

last friday night, after dinner at the apartment, i went back to the office
to render overtime.
every night, we would usually eat at the apartment coz eating out is very expensive.
that night, was just the usual night for us.
dinner, then overtime.
everytime, we would just walk from the office to the apartment and back to the office
taking the same route everyday.

the road was in so much traffic that time which is very unlikely. they said that
there was an accident somewhere around jy creating the traffic.
while in the area near the corner to IT park, rinnel made me walk ahead coz of the
traffic and so many jeepneys are passing by.
just in time that i went ahead of him, someone in motorcycly snatched my bag.
i was in shock and all i could do was shout something
i was not even shouting snatcher or kawatan or what, i was just shouting at them
rinnel tried catching them
i tried running but my mind is blank and i do not know what to do
somewhere halfway the block, i felt like i am losing consciousness and fainting
i tried asking for help but the guards and those people just listened to
my story and did nothing
same as what the police did when i saw rinnel near jy
the police is just interviewing him and did not do anything to catch the thief

the police tried calling at their station but since we were not able to get the
plate number of the motorcycle, they told us to just have it reported at their
station and that's it

we went to the station and the police kept on ranting why we were not able to get
the plate number, and its hard for them to chase, etc etc
i was so pissed that i told him this:
"lagi nong wla na namo nakuha ang plate number kay ngcge man sya liko liko sa mga
jeep, so unsa man amo buhaton? wla mo patrol na pwede maka adto ato na mga areas nya
pangitaon cla or at least ang bag lang man nko? gi advisan mi sa police na mag
pablotter, mao na ni ang blotteR?!"
"yes, unfortunately we were not able to get the plate number because they tried to pass
through the jeepneys and it was hard to get it. what shall we do next? don't you have any
patrol to search the area? we were advised to have blotter, is this it?
(did i translate it correctly? the bisaya one has more emotions)

anyways, he just pointed to us the police officer that will do the blotter. we talked to the other
police. i again told them my suggestion to have some patrol check the area, we again went
out, they contacted their officers but they were still in SRP and it is still far so we
just continued telling the event to them and have it recorded.

we went to the office afterwards. i had my cards blocked, transfered my money to other
accounts not in the atm that was inside my bag and borrowed key for the apartment.

i went home feeling frustrated. i was blaming myself for refusing rinnel's offer
to carry my bag. i was not bringing my extra phone for several weeks and it was
just on that day that i bought it, i should have left my cards, atm and passport
at the office or at home, i should have wear my shoulder bag properly, put it in my
shoulder and put it not near the street side, and all other stuffs

it was only at home that i cried and i felt mixed emotions of anger, fear, and shock.
i know those material things can be replaced..i was thankful though that nothing
happened to us especially to rinnel who tried running after them.

i had a hard time getting to sleep even until now. i would feel scared what if they
would recognize me because of all the pictures i had in my fon, in my ID, and all the
information about me. i am scared because i am thinking what if those persons were
actually spying on us and they knew that we would always pass by those areas on those
times. i am scared because all the while i thought that that place was safe for us.
almost all of the people from the office would just walk and pass by that area.

i realized that nowhere's safe and one should be on the look out always.

i hope this will never again happen to anyone. please always be on the lookout
on your things even your at places you thought are safe. if possible, those
really important stuffs should be kept at home or at the office. in my case,
i was brigning them for purposes that i met an accident or something i can use
it as an identification, but i forgot that a different accident can happen to me also.

the next time it happens, i would not recommend that you would try to ran after them.
having a presence of mind in those situation is really necessary. get the plate
number, try to identify the person, shout and ask for help too.

i wished i was able to shout instead of running after them. but i was not able to do
so. my mind was completely blank. i could remember looking at the plate number area
but wat was registered to my mind is only the white or flesh shirt the guy is wearing,
and the white in the plate number area.

i wanted to do something so that the government would try to do something about these.
these are just petty crimes if some would look at. some would even just consider
this as natural. some would just shrug it off and tell you to be careful next time.
this is i guess the reason why it has became very popular.

the police would just think that they are striking again, that it is the new trend, etc.
but haven't they thought of how many people are victims of these crimes. no killings
or what but the mere tolerance of it just because it is hard to detect when the victim
was not able to get the plate number is not an excuse. they can search the area, do
something to catch the robbers. big things comes from small things. these big syndicates
comes from these small robberies and snatchings. i hope someone would try to do
action for these crimes. small or not, these are still crimes. no wounds or even the
damage is not that big, still it is still crimes.

it creates trauma and not good effect on the victim.

until now, i felt so unsafe. i would not want to go out alone, especially going out from
our apartment to work. i cannot prevent overtime for now because we are busy, but i
decided not to go home for dinner yet for now. i must admit that it really scares me that
everytime i tried to sleep i had to turn on the lights, or stay at the sala to watch tv
until im dead tired and i can sleep directly. when left alone, i still can remember
the moment when he got my bag, and when i looked at their direction. when i tried to
recall what is inside my bag, i would feel scared. what if they are always at the it park
area, what if they are just around the area in our apartment and they still recognize
me. this is really crazy, but i fear them a lot, and i am so scared...

i am scared...

2007-09-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

i am really scared, in trauma, so paranoid of everything
and i felt so alone that rinnel is so busy
i do not want to make him stay out that late just to go with
me and wait till i finish rendering overtime for safety reasons.

but i guess i should stop feeling this
things will happen no matter what
and i should also be responsible of myself too

serious post?

2007-09-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

it has been a while since i have read this person's blog and i was amazed to learn from him about some instance that i can truly relate too and hear him ranting about the same feeling that i experienced several times and would probably be experiencing some more unless i would stop expecting.

this person is really good and i can say he is really nice, considerate, passionate and understanding. but i have never really thought that he too would leave and he too would feel bad about it too. i thought he really truly understands everything here.

seriously though, i know there has been competition, but i guess, these kind of issues should not be neglected or be taken for granted. company's main assets are actually its people. and as i would quote him: "we're not kids anymore" or something like that ;)

they cannot really expect us to just stay and wait for all the jobs, workloads and opportunities they are laying in our lap. if they have not noticed, there are things far more better than them. they are just lucky to have or grab the good ones first fresh from school.

it happened to me several times. i even shed tears for it. the heck! they actually don't deserve it. my life(char!), my plans were all frozen because of all those false opportunities laid out to me. and for heaven's sake i felt flattered! but yeah! we are not kids anymore. we're not children that can be joked or be fooled by something but later turns out that it was not true after all. and for one, they are not new to this corporate world not to realize that stating something on your employee, and then take it back is never PROFESSIONAL!

i am not blaming my direct superiors for this one. but with all these people leaving them, not just here in head office but also in the other office, they should know that it is not just because we seek better opportunities and better pay, but also because there is something that they are doing that was never right even from the start.

all the while i thought that those persons have been privileged and were lucky to have better pay, more travel and even more recognitions than us. but i never thought that it also happened to them. i guess this is the "this is it" time for me.

fight

2007-09-18T14:10:00.000+08:00

last week, i went home early and did not render overtime.
although it was already night time, i still fed ramonito and pepper
i miss this two cute guys :)

anyways, i put on food on their water and watched them eat..
pepper was silently eating while ramonito took pleasure in taking pepper's food.
it was the last pellet in the water and it was pepper who got the to eat it.
since she's still small, only half of it was in her mouth and half is still out
ready for ramonito to bite =D

ramonitor really tried not just biting the half part but wanted to take everything out
of pepper's mouth. they wrestled until ramonito bit pepper's feet.
pepper is struggling to get away from ramonito but the latter is strong and so stubborn to
let go.

i tried holding both of them in an attempt to separate them but it gave pepper a chance to
bite ramonito in the neck!!
tsk tsk!
i asked for help from my housemates. len tapped ramonito's head and that separated them.
hahay...
their grounded now.
they are not getting any food from me
but they wont be hungry coz i guess everybody in the house feeds them
toinks!

i miss multiply...

2007-09-17T17:33:00.000+08:00

i missed checking out my friends post about the latest happening in their life, or see pictures or their latest adventures or past travels..

i missed posting about my rants, or anything that has happened to me lately or something that i am looking forward to ;)

anyways, i have not updated this blog lately coz i wanted to put it all on my multiply instead.
but since its blocked in the office and its just no fun getting all the errors when using proxy sites, im back to posting here again...

nothing much...

congratulations to the soon to be parents! and my friend who just had a cute baby boy! very much more like his daddy :D
congratulations to my friend who going to enter a married life soon
congratulations to those who have pursued their dreams in a far far away land
congratulations to those who have found new jobs
and congratulations to those who have found a new love life :D
hihihi

a lot of good things has happened lately which made me realize something...
there might be bad times, but soon we will have our turn to be congratulated too =)

...

2007-09-06T22:52:00.001+08:00

=(

2007-09-06T21:18:00.001+08:00

its coming....
scared :'(

aaarrrggghhhh!!!

2007-08-17T11:52:00.000+08:00

life sucks!

im trying to be cool, yet its really destructive!

i don't want this.

i wish i knew how to quit you?

no,

i wish i knew how to make you quit!

grrr! annoying!

waaaahhh!!

2007-07-10T18:06:00.000+08:00

separation anxiety,
depression,
nervous,
scared..
whatever!
basta...

i don't like the feeling!!!

:'(

"gwapo ko!!!"

2007-06-22T13:27:00.000+08:00

april 2004 and when intakes started at nsp. good-looking as he is, he obviously grabbed my attention.

ok, i admit, he is my crush. no, i find him good-looking. no, i find him cute. c",) hehehe =p he, i would say, stood out from the rest(hahay, i can imagine him grinning =p). but, as how rumors in the office spread so fast, so as the first impressions on the trainees. he was quoted as "tikalon"! =D

although at that time, i am quite confused if they are refering to my crush or if they are refering to someone else. i still do not know his name that time (yep, i'm not a stalker =p)

i formally met him during our afternoon meetings. i can clearly remember him asking for my name again =p

unexpectedly, i was transfered to another group. there was an upcoming big project, and guess what? yes, we are groupmates. together with his bestfriend =p hihi

it was really a big group, but since we sit on the same line of cube, and since we have almost similar modules, we became close. it all started with project related chats about how vague our project is. from requirements, to the customer, to the so much tasks and all in high priorities :D

we were usually the ones who would go home last! tsk! but, i guess, it's the one who bridged us to get even closer. then the forwarded emails, to non project related chats, even to nonsense chats, to dinner together coz mag ot. he would be the first person i would rant about my workload. he would be the first person i would ask for help on almost everything. and he is the
only person who would message me in the morning with:
"gwapo ko! good morning! unsa oras ka naabot?"
then i would reply to his message, then he is also the only person that i always get irritated with coz, he would just interrupt me and say:
"cge, back to work =p"

later did i know that the nonsense chats, the sundae(the two sundae, payment for doing his task daw =p), the dinner together and going home together during ot will go into something more than friendship and just being groupmates.

the culprit? the "20 questions" email followed by our very own "20 questions" game ;) with this, we were able to talk freely and openly with each other. we later became very good friends, and were also very comfortable with each other

soi, as what i called him before, was the only person that i can talk about just anything. we never really ran out of topics to talk about. even from 10 in the evening up to 5 in the morning ;)

i called him penguin before coz we really love the penguin in madagascar. then later changed it to "soi".

cher, mao ni iya gisulti? =p
it actually means, or is suppose to be: "sori"
it started when we are chatting one time, and instead of typing sori, he typed soi. i teased him about it always after that and we started using the word as a substitute for sori :)

he's really the best friend that anyone can really ask for. not only as a friend but even as just a groupmate or even just as an officemate.

he is really very helpful to others even to the point of sacrificing his self. he says: "i needed help before and there was one, and now i wanted also to help others so they would feel what i felt before"

very heroic right? =p

but honestly, he has a very light personality. being a net ad in our office, which is by the way not part of his job but sort of voluntary stuff, he knows almost everyone in the office or are friends with them. even if he sometimes forget their names =p

the net ad works, doesnt really count to your project. kumbaga, its an extra curricular activities. and sometimes, or most of the times, he would be really busy because he has a deadline to beat in the project and a lot of our officemates are having requests to him to fix their network connections, allowing access to this and that, etc, etc.

he really has an admirable patience ;)

he is always joking, always laughing, always fooling around. and his favorite topic: himself!!
he would always say, "gwapo ko!" or make his solo picture as his wall paper and ask people to check it out. he is very approachable, that even if he has a lot of things to do, he is still the favorite person that our leader would choose to assign do some other tasks :D

not only that he has that personality, but he is really good. very detailed, very rational, and would never decide on something especially if he has not explored every possibilities. that's how he works. and i would feel proud if even there are still other people that knows stuffs he also do in the project, most of our groupmates would still ask for help from him :)

very selfless, very sensitive to others, very reasonable, very loving and very understanding.

i am really glad that i got to know this person, and become his friend before he became my boyfriend :) we were not only lovers but we really are each others friends making us become really open and comfortable with each other.

i don't usually talk this detailed on stuffs like this on the net, but i am so proud of him that i want the world to know how he is as a person(babe, i deserve a bayad =p). and i never really mentioned our pet name before, just now =p joking, this is my birthday gift to him na hikhik =p

it was actually him who told me that he wanted to call me that. remember a movie with that title? yup, baboy! evil him! eheheh he says, it means not baby or anything sweet but it really means baboy! he would tease me that he calls me that coz im starting to become one daw. FAT! and he still continues to make me fat :| but what he did not know is i like it =p coz its the same pet name as jackie and jb of maging sino ka man! joke :D ehehe but no, i really like it coz it really sounds sweet ;)

and on his birthday, i would like to wish him every blessings coz he deserves it all. i wish him good health, and a good career. i know that i am not only the one who is proud of him but his family as well.

happy happy happy birthday babe! i wish you so much love in your heart, so much happiness and always a good health. i wish you more patience for all those persons who asks for help from you and the strength for you to continue helping them. i would sometimes don't understand why you would still do those things even if your seems abused and even if you're on the losing end, but i know you have the heart that will always be willing to help. i also wish you would give yourself a treat or go out with your firends on your birthday coz your so kuripot =p joke! i really wish you'd give yourself a treat or celebrate your birthday coz i know you do not just for the sake that you would save the money for your family ;)

i wish you more jokes to crack, more smiles to share and i wish you a heart that will always be full of laughters. coz you actually do not know how you have touched other peoples lives, how different it is to laugh even on difficult times, and you just don't know how you made them happy :) you might not realize how you made my life happy :)

i really thank God that He put you into my life. wabU gwapo =p

first walking session

2007-04-27T18:18:00.001+08:00

if you can notice, contents of my blog are all about my tortoise :D eheh
m so obsessed with them

nyways, last night, soi and i decided to...

let them walk around the sala :D
ehehe
m so excited that time,
we covered the puzzle mat with old calendars, and i got ramonito and pepper
out of their aquariums, and placed them in the puzzle mat :)

they are so cute and so excited to ran around the area and i really
enjoyed watching them and played with them :)
i feel like a kid again :)

after around only 5 minutes, soi told me to place them back
to their aquarium :(

i hope i can play with them tonight..

im so worried coz some of my housemates planned on having some singing
session at house and they are both just beside the tv :(

i hope they will be fine...

i'm bored

2007-04-25T14:40:00.000+08:00

haayy...
pila na ni ka days na morag wla'y gamit na mosulod ko ug office..

wla ra ko gibuhat..
naa diay pero gamay lang kaau
nag attend ko ug seminar na duka kaau..
sagdi lang...at least naa ko ikabutang sa ako dts..

cge ra ko post post diri..
mayta pareha ni kang claire na naa pud bayad every post at least naa gamit...

dugay pa kaau mag 3..
mao ra ako gihulat..
bago pa nahuman ang lunch break kay gusto ko 3 na para makagawas nko
den gusto ko kay 630 na or 7 para kauli nko..

gusto nko mag kaon ug pizza
stuffed crust pa gd to..
unsaon na lang ako diet :S

dli na lang cguro ko mag dinner
ehehe

haay
gusto nko mouli
para kadula ko nila ramonito ug pepper
ehehe
pangit kaau ila names
sagdi lang..

guba ang network
hilom na ang mailing list
wla nko basahon na emails

busy sad si rinnel
d na ga email, samok kaau
wla pa jd mi chat chat na

cge lang sya ot,
dali ra kaau mi magkita kng dinner
at least naga kita pa mi noh?

hahay
kakapoi..
boring...

confused

2007-04-25T14:35:00.001+08:00

now i am back to feeling confused..

naa na pd ko sa state where dli ko kabalo where do i actually stand

in short, wla ko kabalo sa ako job description and scope

hahay..

hima desu

2007-04-25T14:33:00.000+08:00

when one is not busy,

she thinks of others project related activities or what else she can do
or she thinks of ways of getting out =)

just like what people here usually says,
people become free giving them enough time to update their resume *wink*

i, went back to thinking of leaving too
last week, there are a lot of people who had their last day here at the office
one on thursday, two on friday
another two or three coming this week
and another one next week
among those, are three aprilfools :(
giving them the despedida last saturday, and feeling the absence and soon to
be absence is frustrating.
why can't i leave the company, or why i am still here, why do i have a dost
bond making it impossible for me to go abroad unless i pay them for my
freedom..ehehe

why i am still here, is because i am waiting for somehting.
why i am still waiting for this opportunity?
it's because i know, at my age, and at my position right now,
i know i can gain so much from it.
i just hope this opportunity is really true and not just some trick to make
me stay longer.

tragedy

2007-04-25T11:09:00.000+08:00

ramonito had a tragedy last night...
while trying to clean their aquarium,
soi and i transferred them both to a small tupperware for the meantime..
i was the one holding the tupperware
they were so kiat that they are trying to
get out of the tupperware

ramonito, had a chance to climb up, and on the verge of
jumping out

i was so scared, i actually didnt know what to do
i called soi, to help me out, but he himself is so
busy and his hands are full.

he was carrying a very heavy pail with water and he cant
just throw them away to help me with ramonito..

ramonito fell from the tupperware to the floor
which is almost 4 feet in height.

i was so scared and shocked.
i immediately picked him up,
and soi, who is so furious, told me to
put them back to the aquarium.

he was so angry with me :(
i felt so guilty..

but anyways, he is ok now i think..
i hope he is :(

ramonito and pepper

2007-04-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

very different names :D

and those are the names of our turtle!! :D

wee!!!

i always longed to have a puppy or a cat but unfortunately its difficult
to have them at home or leave it at soi's home if i go home to bacolod.

i almost settled to having fish, until we found these cute little turtles
at SM :D

soi was the first one who saw it, and found them really cute :D

he was pointing his finges on their aquarium and their opening their mouth
as if wanting to bite him and its so cute :D

we spent several days looking for a good aquarium for them. te noel
advised me to check out white gold and tada! we got a rectangle aquarium
for less than 300 :D they even have these decorations and pebbles that are
really cheap too :D

they also have the same small Red Ear Turtle( but they are calling them
green turtle at stores coz their shells are green :D ) for a price way
way cheaper than at SM but they dont have any stocks that time.

so last night, after purchasing, our turtle's home, we went directly to
SM to buy ramonito and pepper :D

i am not sure if they have different genders though since they are only around
2 inches and its hard to identify it right now, but i hope they are both a girl
and a boy :D their names doesnt match really :D it was suppose to be
pepper and pebble but due to my soi's kulit demands, it will be ramonito =D
so funny, that i wanted to change pepper's it to the name of the girl penguin at happy feet
but her name was gloria and i dont like the name :) ehehe...

i think i even interchange them too...but, i have to examine them again which
one is likely to be called ramonito :)

i wanted to go home at 12 and go check them how they are doing but its so hot
outside..i hope they are fine at home :)

out of place

2007-04-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

this afternoon, we had the swqc convention. being the assistant project leader daw in our group, i was invited, plus our project was one of the top 5 swqc presentors.

i felt guilty not having to include some of my groupmates, but i guess it was a right thing to do. when carlo asked me to give some additional persons, i was caught offguard on how to choose since sir dong and mam nene were not around. all my other groupmates are of the same level. thus, it would be unfair if im to choose one or two of them. and its also impossible to include all 16 of them :)

when i read the guest list, i was quite relieved to know that almost all the fools are invited. i guess its okay, i thought.

friday came, and after lunch, i was with anne and patty at the cr, i felt a little pathetic when i have to ask that we will be on the same bus. because, while waiting for 2pm, i tried asking korn, noel, and even mommy rhea if on what bus they are boarding since i wanna go with anyone of them. i dont wanna go to the bus alone. it feels really bad. i felt better knowing that me and noel agreed to go together. but when korn told me that they are going as a group, i felt out of place. nonetheless, i went to the bus with noel, until we arrived at marriot.

i was to go with noel, together in the table but sir dong asked me to be in the same table with them in the solutions group. i tried securing some table for us, but eventually it turned out that i went in the same table with edric and brian. not that they are not good aprilfools but they are with their own set of friends too. i felt so out of place..and i did not like it :(

brian and crammy were busy talking about world of war craft, edric and peter were busy talking with other things, or going smoking, while i waas busy texting and playing snake.

break time and dinner time came and i just went to the buffet table trying to fit in on any group :(

i dont like the feeling, i dont like seeing all my friends or batch so happy and enjoying while i was all alone...i felt like i not longer have any friends...okay, i am not being selfish. what i meant with i did not like what i saw is i feel like, im the only one who doesnt fit in with my groupmates and my supposed to be batchmates are no longer there for me.

i know, i know..i have to get use to it...i have to try..

i like picture trail :D

2007-04-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

Cool Slideshows

a different holy week

2007-04-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

for this year's holy week, i spent it here in cebu. due to lack of resources, i decided to stay here for the long vacation.

wednesday night, soi and i had a movie marathon at home, and slept very late. its actually morning already :D

thursday was just spent at home. i was so bored. it was so mingaw that i cried the whole day. i went to the gym in the morning, finished at around 2 pm. i started at around 10 or 11 am. i intentionally finish late since i practically dont have anything to do. i was just lazing around, surfing the net, watch tv, eat, sleep, cry, watch tv. a really boring day.

i planned on meeting with noel and jan wee on friday. early in the morning, jan and i went to citigym for some swimming. we finished at around 10am, ate at jollibee, and went home for some rest and surfing the internet coz the mass is still at 3 or 4 pm.

i met up with noel at sacred heart at around 330, we finished the 7 last words and the heard the mass. it was all i needed to feel that it was actually holy week. after that, we look for food to buy for our dinner. we ended up buying kfc bucket meal, and ate at around 7pm. that's almost 2 hours of searching for foods and lining up in the counter.

we went to noel's condo for dinner. we ate first since we are so hungry, with some chit chats, playing with yuki and sarah( but mostly just with yuki). we watched the pbb streaming, and finally decided to go home at around 11pm.

i slept at around 12, and then woke up early in the morning. good thing soi texted that he is coming. we watched movie and had lunch at home, then he went home at around 5pm.

easter sunday was mall, and we heard the mass at st therese. on monday, i just stayed at home. and then my long vacation is over.

i really felt so sad and so mingaw that time. i guess, i just cant stand being alone on occassion like those. but as i was thinking of my plans, i am convincing my self that it is a practice for me to cope up with not missing my family so much.

kkb despedida

2007-04-17T10:09:00.001+08:00

yesterday was aldion's last day at the office since just this 9am, he flew to Japan for his AOTS for 5.5 months.

he emailed us that there will be no despedida dinner since he has no money to spare..fortunately, if maica will have a normal delivery, he will have a treat for us when he comes back. ryan replied that a kkb dinner is fine and cleo replied that it was a good idea, since resign is in trend, we might be seeing each other after a while.

i am in very tipid mode these days, so i told aldion that i wont be going with them. it was fine with them though ryan is a bit kulit since he wants me to join the group. nyways, i decided to just go with them after i had dinner with soi.

at ding qua qua, i was really sadden by the thought that it will be less 1 person for us for several months. though he is coming back, he was right when he said that, we might no longer complete when he comes back from his AOTS.

but the dinner was really different. i was actually disappointed because some fools are no longer that interested to be with us. i have been planning something for our anniversary but none replied.

i had a personal reason why i am not going. but i guess they are thinking that i am maarte or what. but i dont care. i am doing this savings thing for a reason. but it doesnt mean that since i wont go, they wont go either.

its just sad that we only have several months left na daghan pa mi, but i guess we are not making the most of it. 3 of the fools are resigning this month and it never mattered to them to like prepare something for them. but i guess it was just me. its me who wanted to make the person feel special just before they leave. its my way of saying that though you are leaving, it doesnt mean the friendship is forgotten.

oh well, i no longer want to plan our party. its kapoy not to receive responses. i guess a kkb laag is fine. though those only who really wanted to be with the group are coming since they are going to spend something.

i wish they were mine

2007-04-16T11:00:00.000+08:00

last friday was our project leader's last day, and as a sign of gratitude, we gave her this bouquet and a scrapbook :) the picture above was the flowers courtesy of kalidades and its really beautiful..naibog ko...when i accepted the delivery, i really wished that those were really for me :D

its a mixture of rose, carnation, calla lily and another flower which i do not know :D but the whole package was really really good for a reasonable price ;)

anyways, i am glad mam nene liked it coz she truly deserves it too ;)

what am i gonna do

2007-04-12T00:47:00.000+08:00

the good thing if you are in charge of the group is that you are not obliged to do debugging, testing or any coding. yet, you have to stay while the task or the release is not yet finished because you have to make sure that everything is ok.

now i do not know if i should feel guilty that i am here yet i am not doing anything to help them or feel better that at least i am joining them in their overtime. the thing is, it's just awkward when they would see me doing something not completely related to their testing. i felt like i am not being a good example.

but i have to see to it, that we are releasing actually today. i guess i would still love to do some debugging or testing more rather than focusing on this task :)

my another problem is, what will i put in my dts?

which made me think, does my PL before felt the same way? :)

fire drill bloopers

2007-03-20T14:45:00.000+08:00

940 is usually our break time..it can be considered as breakfast, brunch or even lunch for others..but at those times, we are allowed to go out and eat or buy something until 1000am.

last friday, we had an email saying that there is a scheduled fire drill on monday but no time was indicated.

so monday morning came, and i felt hungry dat time, so i went out with my batchmates..while finishing our foods, someone noticed that there is "something" happening outside. some people in the canteen rushed to see what is happening while we just simply finished our food and pretended nothing is happening. we went back to the office but on our way there, we were told to go to the evacuation area.

what!?!

ehehe..m over reacting...we are shocked because:
first: we will be marked late by our guards
second: we do not see any nec people going to the evacuation area and we thought it is not our turn for fire drill yet

but, obedient as we are, we went to the evacuation area and participated in the drill.

i texted noel if they are having fire drill but he told me otherwise. there was no sign of any people from nec coming out of the office...not after 5 minutes of staying on the line...

the fire drill continued as usual, the same thing happened actually only that it is on a different evacuation place and with people from different companies in e-office one.

so there was our bloopers ;) fortunately, we had an hour of straight break =p

harsh...

2007-03-13T10:38:00.001+08:00

ive learned not to take things seriously these days...

:(

its frustrating to know that i have to make a decision and eventually it will not be considered because of other people's plan...

tsk tsk tsk

when i have prepared myself for the change, i am now going to not anticipating it since it myt not happen..

this has happened twice and i have almost changed all my plans for it and it myt be postponed again..grrr

wla lang..just blurting out what i felt..i am sacrificing my plans for all of these things and look what i goT!!!!

ともだち

2007-03-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

being a good friend is hard...

i had a friend whom i have known for several years now..i can say she has been very sweet and dear to me...she has been my sister on my second home...we shared a lot of things, a lot of activities, a lot of talks, heartaches and laughters...she has been someone whom have always been the first person i will talk to, and tell about anything that happens to me...she has been the first person that i will go out and invited whenever i wanted to do things..despite the fact that she has lots of friends, she never failed to be there for me..

but i guess, things has changed due to certain circumstances...
i, myself was guilty why this has happened...i let things be, and forget about what has actually we have shared before, which is our friendship...

something happened which created a gap..and i never did exerted any effort to fix it, but instead, i let it be...

i did it because, i was hurt with the way things has happened and how it affected us..we are both into a situation where we knew we might not be thinking so well, thus it affected our decision...

no talks has happened, no explanations were given and we let things be...everything changed...

i decided to have a talk..the explanation i have been wanting to hear and my side is ready to be given but it never happened...i guess, it never meant to happen...

i was trying to compose a letter but, my mind was not actually into it...

i guess, i will let time do it...

i was hurt by what she did making me move away, even if there have been instances that we can get closer again..i can see the effort, but i was never moved, nor touched but instead i am still hurting...i guess this was because, i never heard her side of story...

i am trying to understand and forget what has happened before..but while i am on the process of doing it, i would like to apologize if i cannot accept you right now...i was still hurt, but i am recovering...i am your friend, i was still your friend, and i will always be your friend because that is what we all are to each other...

Say You’ll Never Go

2007-02-21T10:41:00.001+08:00

Say You’ll Never Go

How can I make it through the day
Without you
You have been so much a part of me
(and if you’ll go)
I’ll never know what to do
How can I carry on my way
The memories
When all that is left is the pain of my history
Why should I live my life today

I cannot live out on my own
And just forget the love you’ve always shown
And accept the fate of my condition
Please don’t ever go
For I cannot live my life alone

CHORUS:
Say you’ll never go
Say you’ll never go out my way
Say you’ll never go
For we can still go on
And make it through
Just say you’ll never go
Say you’ll never go away

How can I make my dreams come true
Without you
You were the one who gave love to me
(And don’t you know)
You are my fantasy

I cannot live out on my own
(I can’t do anything at all)
And just forget the love you’ve always shown
And accept the fate of my condition

Please don’t ever go
For I cannot live my life alone

CHORUS:
Say you’ll never go
Say you’ll never go out my way
Say you’ll never go
For we can still go on
And make it through
Just say you’ll never go
Say you’ll never go away

(Instrumental)

CHORUS:
Say you’ll never go
Say you’ll never go out my way
Say you’ll never go
For we can still go on
And make it through
Just say you’ll never go
Say you’ll never go away

untitled

2007-02-20T18:08:00.000+08:00

when opportunities are pouring at your hands, will you consider those even if you are waiting for the other opportunity promised to come?

of course! =D the more options the better ;)

hahay...decisions! decisions!

tsk tsk
=(

surprised! =)

2007-02-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

im so surprised this morning, when while teaching mark how to cook spaghetti, my mumble arrived with choco surprise from leona's =) i was not expecting it...we agreed to go out since we were not able to celebrate last wednesday due to work reasons =) he said, we'll have our valentines on weekend...since i was absent on friday, he visited me and had dinner at home and there we agreed that we are going to have lunch at the apartment, go to carmellite and go to SM....we agreed that he will be at the apartment by 1100am..

since i slept late last nyt, and was not able to get a straight sleep, i woke up late..i woke up at around 10am...i hurriedly texted soi and told him that i wasnt able to go to the grocery and buy the food for lunch time...mark called me and said he wanted to cook the spaghetti, so i went down.. ive been waiting for a text from soi but none came up until 1030...at quarter to 11, while cooking with mark, he arrived and i was surprised to see him bringing a cake for me!!!

i was really surprised. i wast not really expecting that he would be bringing or giving me something like that...i know for one that he is trying to save for his pension and his ate, and i know that he do not like to give gifts during occasions but he wanted to do it on ordinary days and make those days special...

he was really so thoughtful..he helped out cooking and preparing our food, bought us some drinks, and all =) we had lunch, den we went looking for wireless router for the apartment, watch movie, ate and went home...we watch heroes at home, den he went home...i was so happy and i really enjoyed the whole day..

to my soi, my mumble, my babe, thank you so much...i really had a wonderful time..and, i know you'd be happy to hear this since this has been ur goal for quite a while :
i dont care if i gain lots of pounds for this, or if choco surprise has so much calorie in it, but i really love eating ur surprise gift for me...you really made this ordinary day special for us...btw, honestly, i like flowers =p but i wont exchange this surprise for flowers =p loveYouSo :-*

yeeeyy!!!!

2007-02-16T13:21:00.000+08:00

we now have internet in the apartment!!! =)

i need to install torrent..haha =)

independent

2007-01-31T16:34:00.000+08:00

these days, ive felt like i am having depression. going back in cebu with having my auntie and brother holding some grudge against me and not having a good birthday, then coming back seeing soi not quite well are reasons enough for me not to feel good. ive been looking forward for busy days at work and busy weekends with soi yet, i was stuck at home due to rains and asean summit(transportation were frozen or taking a taxi or jeepney has been so difficult), coz i have nothing else to do, and i do not want to spend so much coz im saving for my insurance and i wanted to purchase a new cp.

most of the time, im bothered, not in the mood, insecure, and i always wanted to be alone....i wanted to think, to cry, or i wanted to feel happy to forget those things bothering me..i wanted to be preoccupied and i wanted to be wid soi so i wouldnt feel like im all alone and i wanted to feel secure knowing i have him beside me and i am with him always...

ive realized that i am always affected and i am always sad, whenever we are not together...i wanted to feel secure even when we are apart yet i think my faith shattered during those times that he is struggling to move on with his breakup and formal closure with his ex...i do not want my happiness to depend on him..i wanted to be happy having him and going out with him, yet i wanted to be ok even without those things...at this time, i cant afford to feel bad if things doesnt go my way...

i wanted to set some goals for myself and i wanted those goals achieved..i wanted to be successful and support my family with all their needs, prepare a future for myself and make myself better even without those people around me...i wanted to be preoccupied even if i do not have friends to go out with, even if my boyfriend is not around to accompany me, even if my family is busy with their own lives, even if some of my family member doesnt feel good about me, even if my job is not that rewarding, even if my boss or my management doesnt recognize those things that i have been doing for the project and for the company...

i wanted to be happy even alone...

burrying myself to work(January 22 post)

2007-01-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

this is what i do to help myself not to think of something..

i am not in my proper state of mind today i think...but, i successfully finished coding(or so i thought)
which means, i managed to concentrate on my work despite of everything

last nyt, while i was finishing our video, i received a phone call from nanay saying that they admitted tatay coz his blood pressure is so high...i guess it was another stroke attack...
but look at me, i am still so engrossed with video editing while the thought is going through my head.
why? because i do not want to entertain the thought and i do not want to fear the pain...

this morning, i woke up early to prepare something which will eventually go to waste
but look at me now, i read a story from the email which made me decide differently and even manage to smile

and now, i havent noticed that it is already 6pm, i have submitted my code for review earlier at 330, and is now setting up something...
i guess work is a very good therapy for a bothered person...
im grateful i was able to have focus on it...

im learning how to be fearless...
no, i have learned how to neglect my feelings that is...

i know my father will be fine...
and for the something which i made this morning?
the something which i really forced myself to wake up early despite sleeping late?
what the heck if he doesnt care! damn! i do! =)

Lubot-lubot at costabella wid Pido Dida

2007-01-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

i so like the title of the game =D lubot means butt. its the title of the game which our batchmate made during our send off party at costabella mactan. the mechanics, spell the name of the places where aprilfools has gone to using ur lubot =D the rules are: none, but was later on modified since with just one or two letters, the answer would be guessed making it less challenging. so to make it even fun, the places should be spelled backwards with at least 3 letters before a guess can be made... anyways, one of our batch mate will be leaving the country the next day, so we set a laag for the group on a sunday..it was decided to have it in costabella since its not that far, the place is good, it has a buffet so we need not worry about foods and other stuffs....730 to 8am, we met at the office and head off to mactan. around 9am, we arrived at the place, had some chitchat and swimming, den lunch buffet. the best part is when we finished our lunch. we "released" our music video, and showed our batchmate the video tribute for him which really made him cry...then, we had the games. it was really fun, since it is a competition. girls vs boys. it was rinnel's first time to join us on our sort of major laag and im happy he also enjoyed it especially the lubot lubot where he is the only person who spelled the word up to 4 letters. we went swimming afterwards then, we formed the aprilfools in the pool. we had dinner at Mby's and then went home. it was really a fun as in super fun laag for me. thanks to ate di for taking a very beautiful pic of us..i so so like it =)

updates

2007-01-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

its been almost a year since i updated my blog...the reason is: it was blocked here at the office...

anyways, what has up with me lately?

i am super duper overworked and super abused. after the project where we had our business trip, we are transferred to the group where rinnel is also in...its a simulator project which really works super overtime...since we are the seniors, we were actually given some high level roles..haha...it was challenging..working with all the sde1 engineers who are more knowledgeable than us..ehehe...we worked so hard that it was my first time to receive a really big pay!! but all just vanished because we are always eating out, riding taxi when going home and eating out even on weekends...which, made me gain so much weight..huhuhu

i was able to finally give my ultimatum, but i reget it =( it has caused so much pain....i really regret doing it...and i hope i am forgiven...but, one major thing happened which really touches my heart...awss.....

aprilfools is starting to grow smaller and smaller...last october we had 3 batchmates who resigned in just a weeks time...early this year, another one also resigned and a lot more coming...i can see us growing though...hopefully there would be a bright future for us all..for those who left and for those who remained who are trying to reach their dreams and for those who are staying for some contract..haha...we had some major laags before 4 of them left...we had a laag at moal boal where we shoot our mtv, and a send off party/welcoming/bday of those who are not here/celebration of promotion at costabella where we really had fun playing lubot lubot with our new game coordinator =)

my sister has finally finished her review and has successfully passed! wee!!! =D we already had our CPA ;) she is currently looking for job, which i hope she will soon find, so she will be mature enough to know how to decide for herself...my other sister just shocked us when she informed us that they are having plans of getting married...nanay reacted so much..hahaha....she was telling her to think if she really wanted to get married before me.....ehehe..i told her to go ahead...ehehe...wedding was not really much of a topic for us now... =)

and lastly, i finally made the move for something which i have been really scared of last november..i had a positive result early this month, and is waiting for confirmation..but just when everything was set and planned, another something came up...it is a really super great opportunity making me have second thoughts...so now, i am just praying, that if its for me, then it will fall freely to me =) i cannot tell the details yet, but i wanted to post another entry about it =)

it's back! and i deleted it

2007-01-09T11:21:00.000+08:00

blogspot is finally back at the office! yipee! i can go back blogging now..ehehe...more distractions..ahah =D

nyways, i had an entry before where i chose not to delete entries here which talks about something but now i decided to delete it. i wanted to completely erase it...there were 2 entries that i deleted. it is because, i wanted something from someone else' stuff be deleted..hahay...i know i cant let that person do it...but well, ill just do my part =)

more entries to come! ahaha...if im inspired to write =p

opportunity

2006-05-04T22:33:00.000+08:00

...bits and pieces...

after a long time, i was finally able to blog again...
thanks to penguin ;)

work has been a little relax despite the changes..Bing, our PL transferred to Manila for a new job opportunity there just weeks after our arrival from our BT. we decided to have Edgar on the group as our PL and things haven't been that hard on us...

***********************************

Panglao is such a heaven...i was finally able to visit the beach after attending the wedding of our PL/counterpart in Japan..his wife is from Bohol and they held the wedding there...the wedding is on saturday...we arrived there saturday, stayed overnight at Panglao and went back home on a sunday...

we had the massage at the beach...it was so wonderful...a dream activity and it was so nice watching the stars, feeling the breeze...i wanted to go back there again ;)

************************************

my sister finally graduated from college...she is now in Iloilo reviewing for the board exam on October...

************************************

baby joshie is growing big and gwapo and so cutie...he had his first birthday last April 9...there was a mistake in my last post...i thought it was April 15...

the good, the bad and the ugly

2006-03-06T17:54:00.000+08:00

i'd be glad to hear it =)
this will surely help me..
feel free =)

the good...

the bad...

and the pretty! =p

2006-02-28T13:05:00.000+08:00

one more weekend and another week here at work and ill be back in cebu..

* i "was" excited to go home, but now im excited for the next week to come...hopefully i can make the most out of it..
* its already march...its gonna be our youngest's graduation...m quite excited..she's gonna be the last to graduate..not literally though..my other sister is planning to go back to school this year too...
* its 6months officially, 9months unofficial :D
* march i guess will be a busy month...release for EMS and start of testing on April...
* holy week...
* after march will be april...baby joshie will turn 1year old :D
* aprilfools will be celebrating our 3rd year anniversary..i wonder where it will be..but i guess its not gonna be complete :( some are on AOTS, some will be going on AOTS...
* it also means that its been 3 years that im away from home, and working :D
* 2 more years and im done with my DOST bond....felt old already..tsk tsk
* another merit rating...hopefully id get a good rating this time..ehehe...

what else?

my post became my list of something to look forward to for the coming months..ehehe...

truth

2006-02-17T12:35:00.000+08:00

truth really hurts big time!

while it hasnt come, the anticipation is torturing...

and hearing these from people:

"Because you cannot choose to let go of one hand and hold on to another,

and still long for that someone you let go of"

"..love was never made to be fair.."

"..if you let him/her go he/she has to move on.."

what's left is for him to confirm it..
when that time comes, that's when it hurts the most and i will jst have to accept it...

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference..."

time is flying fast

2006-02-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

i remembered last year when i am so busy with our current project. twas march or april last year, when my brother's wife asked me for a nice name for their coming baby. she wanted to have two names for him and starts with "J" and "A". i personally like josh or joshua for a guy's name so that's my first suggestion. i was browsing through the pdf file anne gave me which contains baby name, when i came across andre. josh andre. sounds nice and cute to me and it actually matches my brother's name which is andrew. andrew and andre.

mae, gave birth to josh april 15, 2005. i was really so eager to go home. but since we have to finish our project, i have to wait for may to come, jst in time for my niece's birthday. josh was already 1month old that time.
he is really an angel. he is so cute, so fat, so white and really big for his age. i was finally able to carry him and hug him...

since work is in cebu, i have to go back and wait for another vacation to come for me to see josh again...it was like he is our first baby since he is the first one who was really with us always since birth. his sister was not always with us and is just visiting us. we also wasnt able to see her as a baby since they are in manila..
when i went back home on december, josh has really grown up..he is starting to talk, started talking, know how to laugh, can recognize people and is jst so much fun! i never grew tired of him that despite the lack of sleep and tiredness, i still prefer to spend my vacation baby sitting him..

this march or april, he will be turning 1year old...cant wait to see him again...im sure he already know how to really talk and walk!

twas like, i was not able to notice it, but its been a year already =)

a lot of things has happened...travel, changes, loss, new stuffs...time flies really fast that i was not actually noticing that i am growing older too...tsk tsk...

i just hope that as josh is growing, his tita would be growing too.. =)

be more mature, be more responsible, be more courageous, focus more, and more disciplined...
=)

today...

2006-02-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

i have been smiling
but my heart is actually crying

happy hearts day!
status messages, emails, greetings...
surprises and all..

i wasnt able to stop feeling envious and alone..

m not loveless but i dnt know why i actually felt sad..
i was so busy d whole day but why i was actually able to have time for this to feel this way...

plan was cancelled, nothing special, no nothing...
got a lot of things to thank for for today actually...m thankful that there are still people who wanted to make us feel very special..

thank you and im sorry...

him: ingatz...
him: happy valentines...
him: take care...
him: bye bye
me: hpi vday
me: bye

and it stopped there...

how i wish this day is already over....

i was not suppose to feel ds way..tsk tsk..

question...

2006-02-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

if you're a guy, and u had a conflict wid ur girl...
she is crying, u asked her:

"r u tired with it?"

what does that mean?

shall i say, you wanted to give up??

...

i am thinking...

2006-02-08T18:45:00.000+08:00

i wanted to escape
go away and not feel this pain

i wanted to leave
leave you and i can stop anticipating

i wanted to let go
let you do what you wanted to do

i wanted to move on
move away from this pain i am going through..

but i wanted to stay
stay beside you and feel your love

and i wanted to wait
wait for you to be ready

i wanted to be with you
be with you and help you and support you

i wanted to love...
love you without any fear
love you without any questions
love you without any doubts
love you with all my trust
love you coz its all i wanna do

i wanted to stay this way
this way where i am happy

i wanted to be strong
be strong for us and for you

coz it is the us that i wanted
it is the us that keeps me going

and it is you
and what you made me feel that makes me willing..
willing to go through this pain
willing to wait though im hurting
and willing to love you still..

i wanted to continue loving you...
coz i really do...

i love you...too?

2006-02-07T10:20:00.000+08:00

was browsing the net and checking out blogs when i come across this:

Try to find someone who will not just listen when you say "I love you," but someone who will say it, too, and love you even more.

need i say more?

...

ive learned to...

2006-02-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

ive learned to choose
ive learned to decide on my own
ive learned to trust
ive learned to be patient
ive learned to wait
ive learned to fight
ive learned to be strong

ive learned this all from you...

thank you and i love you...

2006-02-02T16:43:00.000+08:00

when u said u dnt want to undergo that laboratory
when u said ur scared something myt happen during that time
when u said ul think about it coz u still wanna live longer....

cnt help not comparing
but i can recall how tiyoy is looking at u and mama carmen at the hospital that day...
he wanted to say something, he wanted to talk..he wanted to stay longer but his time has come

if only i am also piper...
and i was able to see the angel of death coming
i could have begged to the elders and to the avatars not to get you yet

there are things that are simply out of control...
but i hoped we could have made ourselves prepared for whatever it is that is coming..

i cant stop thinking how nanay is..
i knw how painful it is for her...
i know how painful it is for her to see u suffer
she seems strong talking to me on the fon..
she seems alright, and have accepted it while i am crying all through out the conversation
i was even irritated why tatay keep on getting my attention telling me not to worry
telling me i should have been relieved to see u at peace
but i simply cant...
and however i take my mind off this, i simply cant..
i am staying up so late so that when i go to bed, i would be tired that i will no longer
be able to think and will be able to get my sleep..

i wanted to shut up but i simply have to let this out..
i should stop writing coz everytime i pour this emotion out on through this
i am on the verge of crying..
wanted to go to any of their rooms at nyt, dnt wanna be alone..
wanted to talk to them but we are all busy..
we are all tired when we arrive at the hotel...

seeking comfort but found none last monday nyt...
wanted to cry and cry...
been crying so hard that i felt like m out of breath
kept on crying and i really wanted to shout..
wanted to let this pain out
but i cant stop..

until when will i feel like this :(

Silent World

2006-02-02T12:32:00.000+08:00

If I could put you, on top of a cake I would ice you ...
and keep you, wrapped up in a box to be near you ...
if I could ... I would ...

If I could touch you, again with my fingers so gently ...
if I could feel you, breathing in time next to me ...

but the silence surrounds me,
flashing memories of you, riding with the moon that night.
I never had the chance to say goodbye ...
goodbye ...

Lost, forever, lost to another world ...
Gone, forever, but remembered in our thoughts ...
You are ...

If I could open, the heavens above I'd be with you ...
if I could hold you, again in my arms I would tell you ...
that ...

I love you ...

2006-02-01T17:43:00.000+08:00

twas the first time u asked something from me
i guess u have seen what i gave them and u liked it
twas the first time that u told me to bring u something

and so when on my first weekend, that was actually the first thing that i boughtit took me so long deciding which one to buy...i know its not something that is really expensive but i want it to be extra special...i wanted to look for the nicest watch but the one that is also suitable for you..

was so excited after that...i love giving something that i know would make some one happy...i kept the watch and was eager to go home..i was even thinking when to go home to bacolod and give it to you...

i knw that we are not that really close...but for me, u have been the coolest lola i ever had i always remembered how u would go around ur place to look for food when i am visiting you...i do not like the place nor i enjoyed playing mahjong and be around a lot of people but when, ur alone in ur house i never hesitated to sleep there and accompany you...

i cannot forget how u scold me once..that was the first and the last fight i had with you...i was fighting with my brother and my cousin..u told me m maldita..i was angry...i did not talkto you but still, i asked ur help on our project...we are asked to sew something and i know ur the one who knows how to do it best...

i knw u were reluctant to be with us in the house coz u dnt want to leave ur old place..but u were later on convinced...everything changed after that...but i never regret having u closer to us...u were never strict and was able to jive with all of our "teenage" stuffs that not all older people were able to understand...

this time, when i go home, i would no longer see the lola who is always at the door of our kitchen...u will no longer be the first person i am going to see when i arrive and open the door...there will be no one shouting outside, talking and making friends with those who are going around the area and sell fish and vegetables, there will be no one who will go out and call our neighboors to play mahjong...

i will miss the noise, i will miss the laughs and the chuckles...i will miss lying in the sofa while watching tv and someone will be stroking my hair and talk to me...

i will miss hugging someone who dances when she's happy...

i know i should stop crying..i know i should stop feeling this way..i know i should stop feeling alone and feeling unfair why i have to leave when u are in that state..i know i should stop feeling bad coz i wasnt able to give u ur watch and smile while watching u dance and smiling and singing while showing to people what i got you...but i know u knew that i simply cant...i simply cant coz even ryt now that i feel a little better, i still feel the pain of losing u...