when u said u dnt want to undergo that laboratory
when u said ur scared something myt happen during that time
when u said ul think about it coz u still wanna live longer....

cnt help not comparing
but i can recall how tiyoy is looking at u and mama carmen at the hospital that day...
he wanted to say something, he wanted to talk..he wanted to stay longer but his time has come

if only i am also piper...
and i was able to see the angel of death coming
i could have begged to the elders and to the avatars not to get you yet

there are things that are simply out of control...
but i hoped we could have made ourselves prepared for whatever it is that is coming..

i cant stop thinking how nanay is..
i knw how painful it is for her...
i know how painful it is for her to see u suffer
she seems strong talking to me on the fon..
she seems alright, and have accepted it while i am crying all through out the conversation
i was even irritated why tatay keep on getting my attention telling me not to worry
telling me i should have been relieved to see u at peace
but i simply cant...
and however i take my mind off this, i simply cant..
i am staying up so late so that when i go to bed, i would be tired that i will no longer
be able to think and will be able to get my sleep..

i wanted to shut up but i simply have to let this out..
i should stop writing coz everytime i pour this emotion out on through this
i am on the verge of crying..
wanted to go to any of their rooms at nyt, dnt wanna be alone..
wanted to talk to them but we are all busy..
we are all tired when we arrive at the hotel...

seeking comfort but found none last monday nyt...
wanted to cry and cry...
been crying so hard that i felt like m out of breath
kept on crying and i really wanted to shout..
wanted to let this pain out
but i cant stop..

until when will i feel like this :(