in grief

its 1223 here...
been waiting for my sis to be online...dnt want to stay alone in my room not talking to anyone...i desperately needed someone to talk to...to cry with...

i wanted to scream..i wanted to cry and cry and cry.....

i dnt understand why she did not wait for me...i wasnt able to give her the watch that she asked for as pasalubong...that was even the first thing i bought when i arrived here...

i wanted to go home but i know if i would go home the pain would still be the same...

i knw this is soon to come but the reality of it is simply unacceptable...why it has to be now when i cant easily go home...

i just talked to her last friday...

i wanna scream!!!!!

AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!


*##!&*)!)!%)#*!)*!)*%)!U%{*){#!%{#{CMLMKCfkas



huhuhu :'(

got to post this

"have u ever missed someone that u wanted to pick them up from ur dream and hug them"

missed you...havent dreamt of you but ive been thinking of you...

dnt knw how've been but i hope ur doing fine...i knw u wanted to talk, too bad i wasnt there..

hahay....

ifelt bad something was taken for granted, twas special but twas fine...u got ur prob...i hope it will be fine...i hope u will be fine..

m glad ur still here wid me...

:-)

thank you..

thank you...thank you for doing it..i really appreciated it :D


thanks ;)

the one

"happiness is a choice"

got this from a friend and surely this is what i needed ryt now ;)

got two or more things to blog but m actly busy with this :D

expecting the worst yet trying to be strong and hoping for the best

i do not understand what i feel ryt now...

few weeks ago, i received some bad news from home....my lola is not doing well and she was rushed to the hospital...she was not admitted but was undergoing some medications and treatment...days later, she was again rushed to the hosp coz she was not again feeling well, and was complaining about her tummy....this time, she was admitted but not for long...after less than a week, she was ok and they went home...

during xmas break, i was able to see how she was doing..and most of the time, she will jst spend her day at her room, no appetite, always complaining of the food, and always having tummy aches...she's no longer the jolly and noisy lola i had...

i went back to cebu after vacation and jst last week, nanay told me that she was again rushed to the hospital coz she throwed up some blood...twas scary..i could have cried when i was there...my aunt who is in manila went home to see her and i could really say that its really serious letting my aunt decide to come home...

yesterday, they texted me, they went home already coz she's already fine after the blood transfusion...twas a relief coz i was really thinking that she might be staying longer...but i think things have already come to worst...jst this morning my sister told me that lola was again rushed last nyt coz of high blood pressure...complications starting to come out...its as if she had a mild stroke as what my sis told me...

now, i dnt want to leave...i dnt knw what to say, i dnt know what to feel except that there is so much fear in me i am trying to neglect...

ive got lots and lots of stuffs that needs to be tackled with...so much stuffs that i need to confront but i dnt knw which one to prioritize..everything gives me pain...

"love is the absence of fear"

i think it is not only love but for everything...i need faith in HIM...that everything will be turning out right...i am in so much need of it in everything that is happening to me ryt now...this is not the only fear that i might going to lose my lola and i myt not be here...there is also another fear of losing someone eventually...

i dont knw where to get all my strength...i dnt knw where to get all my hope....i dnt knw where to grab for support....

fufufu... :( m so lost...m leaving tomorrow but i dnt want to with this state of mind...with this kind of feeling and with this kind of situation...

waahh!!! i dnt knw how to make myself expect the worst, but trying to be strong for someone and hoping that everything wll be for the best...

...

whew! :)

If You're Not The One Lyrics

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And Im praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
I know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

hapi bday 2 me

24 at 2006...i just turned 24 yesterday..i thought i would actually feel old na but now i still fell young :p bleehh...

i was really thinking that at this age i would be more mature and think of life more seriously...actually, i still would..but i wanted to make it more special, and live it like its gonna be my last...

i was busy with meetings for the new proj and preparation for our trips but i still managed to celebrate it with my friends and officemates and batchmates... :)

ate anne and ate cle gave me a cake..twas delicious...i wasnt expecting it :) and i also had another surprise :) te cle, gave me a compilation of messages from fools and some close officemates..

i also achieved something yesterday...i was finally able to talk to him...there were misunderstanding before that leaving me in tears but it actually pays off...i am left confused more actually after the talk...but i am glad he was honest with me....

i was trying to make and wishing that my day would be extra special...but i actually cried..it was actually full of tears and heartaches...but i am glad that there are three persons who made it complete...and it was extra special...

to ate cle, ate anne and to him...thank you...
and to all the fools, thanks to the messages, to noel who gave me the chocos, for the earrings from jaspher and for the blouse from him...thanks kaau :D

:)
(i am not OK ryt now but i am smiling ;) )

**more pics

para may entry lang...

hmmm....no updates since last year..ahah...no updates since last month actually...been busy trying to cope up with the sked and finishing stuffs before the xmas break and i wasnt able to blog..got a lot of stories to tell but ryt now i am not actually in the mood to write about it..

im feeling something and i wanted to write about it but i couldnt seem to put it in words....well. basically m a year older and that's it...


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